Today is my One year Cageversary.
One year ago I set up an account here at Cage. I was so innocent, so sheltered, so wide eyed. I made a decision that I wanted to pop into the chat room fairly early on, I wanted to learn and get to know people. I am so glad that i did as some of those people have become such dear dear friends. And I have seen many highs and lows, walked through quite a bit with some of them. 💖 I have laughed until I cried and then laughed more. 😂
I think about the people that have come and gone in that time-so many. So many relationships and velcro collars. So much life. I wonder how some of them are doing in their life, how things are going. I came into Cage with a sense of wonder and a naive outlook that allowed me to believe the best in and of everyone. I quickly learned that was far from the truth as not everyone has the best in mind. Yet, even now, i still try and want to believe the best in people. People are important. People before Kink!
I know that in this process my own insecurities have waved their sparkly flag. I have hurt some. I have been hurt deeply by some. I have cried more tears than I would like to admit. I have been blocked by some. I have blocked others. I allowed my insecurities to be the filter that i responded from regarding blogs. (being blocked I cannot even write an apology or even open communication with the blog poster) I am truly sorry to anyone that I have hurt or offended in this process. I love people too much and i never want to be hurtful. I really do want the best for everyone. I run from drama. It hurts my heart to think that I have hurt anyone or caused distress, but that is all a part of life, isn't it? People on people on people...life on life....iron sharpening iron.
I have had some wild adventures here at Cage as well. NEVER would I have imagined that any relationship would come out of my being here. I didn't come here for that, I came here simply to learn more about BDSM and kink and try to figure some things out. i did quickly find a home, a community full of humans. If last year at this time someone would have told me I would go to Italy because of a relationship connection made and formed here at Cage, I truly would have laughed so hard. Truly. Yet, last month I was in Italy with him.
I have learned that because I am a relational person, it can give a false sense of connection. I am easy to relate to and connect well with people, but not all of those connections lead to giving my submission. Not at all. In fact, i have learned to be even more careful. I am always afraid I will give a bad impression or lead someone on, when really all i am doing is having a conversation and sharing my thoughts on a particular topic(s).
Though some would say I am still 'adorably innocent' (and others would say I am annoyingly innocent...or just annoying) I have definitely grown in this year. Due to conversations here in chat, I got brave and went to my local Dungeon. Now, I can be found there almost weekly. I'm not sure that i would have ventured into that had i not had the encouragement of my friends here! I still have so much to learn and experience, and there is no hurry. I know i don't see things the way "all the other girls" see them. I don't experience (or have the same experiences) as all the other girls. And sometimes, I allow my head voice to be stronger, and convince me that because i do not instantly think with 'gutter thoughts' or even always understand what is being said...or..or...or...that I am somehow 'broken'. (I'm not. Neither are you!) Sometimes I even venture down the rabbit hole thinking perhaps this isn't the place for me. But, you know what, it really is ok. I am unique and sparkly...I am me. And even i can have a place here too. Everyone enjoys a different flavor of pizza or ice cream, and I am certainly a flavor all of my own 😘 and in the eyes of the right person it will be the perfect flavor for them. In the hands of the right teacher, I am teachable.
And i hope that I have contributed to this community in some sparkly way <3
I still have so much more growing to do.... learning about myself, learning about others, learning about kink.....guess I will stick around for a while :)
