Let's set the scene, shall we?
We were having a skype Date Day. Yay! Time that was set apart to be different than our normal calls. Time to really just focus on each other in a special way. It really is just a reason for me to get dressed up and look cute👗💄👠 ... or something. I fail to see the problem here. It makes both of us happy. 💕
There was a weird feeling but neither of us seemed to be able to ariticulate what was really going on. Even leading up to the date I felt something was off-i had the hardest time finding motivation to get ready! (definitely not normal) So as tension grew and grew, I just felt uneasy. It seemed crazy to me at the time-I mean I am not uneasy with Sir. At all! We both knew the uneasiness was there, but tried to continue on while ignoring an elephant in the center of the room. (the elephant was purple with bright pink spots, in case you were wondering!)
He tried to be creative and had a plan to follow the question
"Do you still want to be my submissive?"
....BUT he never got that far.
DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
The pot boiled over and off exploded the lid....
My response made time stand still...(my response is NOT actually how i recommend talking to ANYONE, let alone your Dominant. DO NOT try this at home!)
*this would be the part you conservative traditionalists may want to bow out, or at the very least, please sit down, you are about to have a heart attack! Ok. I warned you!**
My response was not peppered in kindness or even a simple "Yes Sir". No, not even close! (Remember i said "off popped the lid") I apparently lost my mind and said
"What the FUCK did you just say that for?"
(You can stop reaching for your belts now, Conservative Disciplinarians!)
Time stood still. No one made a sound. We both were just kind of stunned, and that is putting it mildly. Yes, my mama taught me better than that. I have not always had a mouth like that.
After what felt like an eternity, we both recovered from the shock. My question broke the tension for sure. It didn't add more tension like you might assume. I did not have to wash my mouth out with soap or put a clothespin or bobby pins on my tongue. I wasn't being a sasshole (like he may or may not have referred to me previously in the conversation...). It was a genuine question. My INTERPRETATION of his statement (that was meant to be playful) opened the flood gates of all my insecurities and questions, and my eyes started leaking like a faucet. 😥His statement has been used previously when we were going through some things and deciding if we were indeed still going to move forward.We have no intentions of giving up, and we will fight for this because it is so worth it.
The entire mood was killed, no more play time. There was no longer anything sexy about the moment. I no longer was on my knees, instead I was crumbled in a heap, barely holding it together. He wasn't much better in that moment.💔
What DID happen, though, was conversation. COMMUNICATION. We were able to talk through the things that had built up and were making us feel uneasy. We talked about wants and needs and desires in ways we had not previously. We shared fears and hopes. We shared life. Somehow we had lost 'us' and instead there was an element of robotic mimicry of the way we thought things were supposed to happen-the way a Dominant is supposed to 'lay the law down.' The way a submissive is supposed to act and be. What works for us may not be how others think it is supposed to be done, and that is ok. 💖 We had to decide, What do WE want?
So yes, I may not be soft-spoken, always agreeing, or reserving of my thoughts and opinions. I may be the exact opposite sometimes. And yes, many would argue that I handled the situation inappropriately. Perhaps for them I did. For us, it was the perfect catalyst to move us forward. I have never been known for being quiet. Bold? Yes! And the rest of the call was filled with some more bold moves from yours truly. (Nope, not sharing the lovely details. Sorry folks. hahahaha get out of here with that stuff!) Boldness that helped me realize i can be seductive 😘, that i can sparkle✨, and that empowering and feeding his dominance is NOT topping from the bottom. (Don't even get me started on that one! Can we just agree that phrase is perhaps one of the most misused and misunderstood phrases in our community!)
And you know what? He loves my passion and my boldness! 😍 We didn't walk away from the encounter bruised and broken. No! We walked away with a freedom. We walked away stronger! We walked away with a renewed vision of who we are,where we are going, and how/what works for US! I love us. We are definitely better together! Through hard work and intentional actions we will go further, it most definitely will not be accidental. But, hey, i love the song and it makes me smile! (As does Sir 😘😊)
-Keep Sparkling! Don't let anyone dull your sparkle my friends!✨💖
