These are not my words. This blog today is written by a friend who does not want to be known.
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What I’m referring to is that deeper connection between two people and still having a D/s or M/s relationship. Dare I say it, but “love”. The need/desire to be with one person and make that person your world. Some people would say that is marriage, and maybe it is, but I’m not even saying that. I’m getting the distinct feeling that the BDSM community as a whole does not value these things anymore. I didn’t encounter these issues when I was younger and people actually had to meet in person to meet because the interwebs were not that active. Is that the problem? The internet has made sex so instant that we don’t have to work for anything anymore? Or is this a “me” problem? Who knows?
These are some of the things that I’ve heard when being encountered by a Dom that asks, “What are you looking for in a Dom?” and I answer with the above…
“Well what do you expect? This IS a sex site!”
- It is? To me it is more of a community of people who share commonalities. A place where all us kinky ass people can come together and not only look for that person we want to be with, but make friends as well. To me, BDSM is not ALL about sex, and I do not come here to look at porn. I will probably never appreciate a dick pic and I do not get aroused in the least when you message me to tell me that you’re jacking off.
“You should really open your mind up more. You’re missing out on so many possibilities”
- No I shouldn’t and no I’m not. I am who I am and I’M okay with me. I like me just fine. There are many different types of preferences around here and many different kinks/fetishes, and I’m not judging a single one of them – I never would. To me, that is like telling someone who is a homosexual that they should just open up their mind to the possibility of sex with the opposite gender. I wouldn’t do that.
“Awww. You’re charming. And rare”
- Both of those adjectives sound like a good thing, but they do not bode well for me in this community.
“You’re so naïve”
- Maybe I am.
“Maybe you’re not really submissive; just vanilla. You should find yourself a good doctor to marry”
- Maybe I just value sex. Actually, that’s not a maybe – I do value it. But that has nothing to do with me being submissive or not. And I’m not going to sit here and try and convince anyone that I’m submissive. This isn’t my first rodeo and I’m old enough to know almost exactly what I do and don’t like, and who I am and who I am not.
“But the BDSM community is all about sharing sex and not settling with anyone!”
- Is it? Did I miss the memo?
Maybe I’m charming and naïve and rare… but I have a feeling that I’m not the only one who is. So you tell me why the two cannot coexist? BDSM and love that is.
