I have faced many things in my life that have scared the fuck out of me. Situations that have pumped my adrenaline to insane levels. From early years of knowing as I sat at my school desk the adult approaching me was going to hurt me be it through violence or humiliation and I refused to cry.
The days of looking at words dance in front of me letters askew and wondering why no one else was seeing what I was seeing and humiliation raping my confidence in front of my peers. I refused to cry.
Sitting at the table being unseen , needing the safety of the home harbour as storms raged but not allowed the sanctuary. I refused to cry.
Losing an idol that gave me a sense of who I may be , no longer having my senses shaped to allow me be crafted better and not being able to scream out in pain at this loss for I was outside looking in. I did not cry.
This child never cried . This child missed out on grief and was companions with silent hurt.
The adult this child became learned from the past that it can not define the future but it can influence the reactions. The past is but a classroom and the past is but history best to know better not to repeat.
Today I cry.