What is the DD/lg dynamic all about? There are a lot of misconceptions around this sub-genre of BDSM. When I first started exploring, I had those same misconceptions and had you told me I would be calling my husband 'Daddy' at the time, I would have looked at you as though you were crazy.
It took me a long time to realize I was a little, even though the clues were always there. I like playing dress-up. Halloween is my favourite holiday because I can do this without getting the strange looks I get when I'm seen in my Unicorn onesie. I have a closet full of costume lingerie and I love dolling up for Daddy. I also love to colour and create pictures and cards for Him. I enjoy video games and Disney movies. I tend to stick to mostly young adult authors because I find their stories more relatable. I have too many stuffies to count and collect MLP and Barbies.
I do not consider 'Daddy' to be my father. He is my caregiver and my protector. He guides me and teaches me. He punishes me when I am bad (spankings, YAY!) and rewards me when I am good (cookies, YUM). He takes away my having to chose. He loves to take care of me and I love to be taken care of.
That does not mean I am a little all of the time. I have a job and am a mommy with a lot of responsibilities. But the only time I truly feel like myself is when I am His little girl.
Why am I like this? Well I do have a theory. Growing up I had a very absent mother and a total of six step-dads. (Yes, my mother was married seven times.) A lot of the time I had to be the adult, taking care of her and picking up the pieces after a beating or a break-up. I was making meals for the family by the time I was six, and taking care of most of the cleaning and laundry by the time I was eight. I helped my brothers with their homework and made sure they went to bed on time. I never had time to be a child. I was forced to grow up so quickly that I didn't have a chance to develop the way most children do. I didn't have time for friends. I didn't have a chance to learn the intricacies of social interaction.
I met Daddy when I was fifteen and he was twenty, so from the very start he took on the caregiver role. He was more experienced and I let him lead me. I don't think either of us even realized it was happening at the time. The day after I turned 18, my mother kicked me out. I was in the middle of my last year of high school. She chose step-dad number five over me. I had called the cops on him after I found him beating her up and she ended up telling the cops that she hit him first and recanted her story. She ended up being charged with public mischief and now has a criminal record. She took me to the welfare office herself and to this day denies throwing me out, even though I have a letter written in her own hand to the contrary. But I digress.
That year was one of the hardest of my life. Daddy had just moved to a different city and I didn't even have a phone to call him. I was miserable and lonely and afraid. I felt rejected. I contemplated suicide over and over again. I stopped going to school and failed all of my classes. (Luckily I had already met my graduation requirements.)
Luckily, I got accepted to the same college as Daddy and he asked me to move in with him. He's been taking care of me ever since. Prodding me to get out of bed in the morning to make it to my classes. Reminding me to eat during exams.
At this time we knew nothing of the BDSM world but had already found our roles. At the time I felt guilty about letting him take care of me. I knew it wasn't 'normal' behaviour.
We went on like this for 18 years. I was mostly happy. I loved him a lot. The only flaw in our relationship was our sex life. I was a virgin when I met him, even having suffered years of sexual abuse, and I could not orgasm. And he tried. And tried and tried. And then we just gave up. Sex became something obligatory. I blamed myself. He blamed himself. We secretly blamed each other. And it festered.
After finding BDSM I realized I needed mental stimulation just as much as sexual stimulation. I needed pain to experience pleasure. I wanted to be hurt and used and degraded. I had no idea how to tell him that. I was afraid he would be disgusted with me. He had spent our whole lives protecting me, how could he possibly then go about hurting me. There was so much then I did not understand.
After the discovery of my secret online life, I was sure he was going to leave me. And I'm not going to lie, it did nearly break us. Which is why I spend a lot of my time encouraging married wives to communicate with their husbands instead of searching for something from a stranger. For the first time in our lives, I was the teacher. I was the one taking the initiative. I was the one leading. It was an uncomfortable period for us.
Then one day (after expressing disgust in chat about someone calling their Dominant, Daddy) I was directed to this link:
http://daddys-doll.blogspot.ca/2013/09/what-is-ddlg-dynamic.html and boy did it open my eyes. I had never even heard the term little before. And as soon as I finished reading, I went and had a talk with Daddy and told him about what I had learned. It felt very strange calling him Daddy at first. Hearing him whisper all the dirty things he wanted to do with his little red-headed slut. Breaking through decades of conditioning isn't easy. But it was so, so worth it. We are happier now then we have ever been in our lives. Our sex life is amazing. The only complaint I really have is that I need more pain and more degradation and that is very conflicting for a Daddy who wants to coddle and protect his little girl. We are a work in progress and things can only get better from here.
So please, before you judge anyone on their brand of kink, ask questions, learn more about it, don't just make assumptions like I did. I wasted a lot of years fighting against what I needed instead of letting go and accepting myself as I am.
Who knows, you may just find yourself there too. :)
