My kinky journey.... an honest sexual account

This is my space to be the submissive me

Over the last few days looking over my dating past I have come to realise that I Am The Girl In Reserve.
Now I know some of you will wonder what that means. To me it means the girl that is average looks, average height, average intelligence, average geek, average job, average personality, in short totally average.
What I have doesn't set me apart from everyone else, it doesn't make me sparkle, it doesn't make me anyone's first choice in a partner.
I'm like a ghost of a girl hovering around in the background hoping that someone will see something worth exploring and forever being disappointed.
I'm 37 years old have been I love a few times in my life and yet not one person has ever loved me back.
I've been the subtitute, the friends with benefits, the rebound, and the girl not worth waiting around for, the hidden girlfriend and the convience. It's hard to realise that I just don't inspire the type of devotion that makes being with me worth it.
And it makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. What is it about me that projects the wishy washy, luke warm, lack luster response from men that I'm interested in. As a natural giver I give everything that I have to the person that I'm with and maybe that doesn't make me exciting, worth chasing, worth persuing but in sub terms it should make me a desirable partner instead it just makes me and emotional door mat.
Don't get me wrong my last partners have enjoyed fucking me but it has never developed into anything more than that for them and it leaves me feeling the emotional absence that I crave.
I've spent the last five year trying to find someone who thinks I'm the joy and meaning in his life, who accepts me for who I am but maybe I need to address myself and make changes for the better to be able to attract that.
I said in my last journal entry that I have seen what I crave out of a Dom but how do I demand It as a sub from my future Dom? How do I get out of this cycle of girl in reserve to achieve that?
I Don't Want To Be The Girl In Reserve Anymore.

honeyswhore{Callie} - Nice tend to finish last, Shelby.

6 years ago

fuqin(dom male) - I'm sorry to hear this. This might sound like bullshit to you but the right person will be there when the time is right. You just haven't met the right person. Yes, as a submissive, you'll be very desirable. I think for what you want, communication will be the key. Communicate what you need and see if that person can provide it or not.

6 years ago

CapnRick(dom male) - Some good comments here, Shelby. Maybe this isn't so much your problem, as the sort of men you go out with...? We tend to follow patterns of what attracts, and your pattern isn't cutting it for you, apparently. Fuqin is almost right, I think---the right person might be there when the time is right, BUT will you SEE him as potentially right ?? Might be time to take a look at your selection process, perhaps. Hope this helps.

6 years ago

Miss Magdalena(sub female){FreeSpirit} - Since you're looking for advice I'll put my two cents in here.
You said, "I said in my last journal entry that I have seen what I crave out of a Dom but how do I demand It as a sub from my future Dom?" From personal experience I have found it's about Self Worth and Patience. If you are honest with yourself are you finding yourself settling because you really want that affection/connection? A lot of people who are not interested in a deeper connection aren't going to put the necessary time in to get to know you. To be blunt make them work for it because when you want something of substance it takes just as much dedication from both parties. Being submissive doesn't mean you are a doormat or that you have to constantly be the only one giving..there should be mutual giving and taking from both sides. When you give too much of yourself to unappreciated parties you end up feeling used and undervalued. Be selfish with your time and know that what you have to offer has just as much value as anyone else.

6 years ago

TakenLower - Everyone is average until they find that place inside them that is above average. I used to say the same thing “I’ve never been really good at any one thing” truth was, I was so amazing st most things that I felt average. My expectations of myself and others were just way over the top. As far as men go, sorry but I stick with the “when stop looking for Mr. Right you run into Mr. Almost Perfect ? cliche yeah, but true time and time again.

6 years ago

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Shelby77024​(sub female)

My kinky journey.... an honest sexual account

The Girl In Reserve

Shelby77024(sub female)