These days are ticking by slowly; each one feels like it's the same, never-ending. I am fighting the urge to burn it all to the ground. Between the sadness that leaves me breathless and on the floor and the rage that threatens the safety of every breakable antique I own, I can't stand the skin I'm in. The sun was out yesterday, and I ran from it like a demon on the wind.
I know this is healing, and it's all part of it, but it really makes me hate you, even if just for a moment. Everything that would be beautiful and long-awaited is currently ash. Bile in the mouth, the world is laughing at me because I am too caught up to enjoy its reawakening, and once more I've lost my center and my connection.
You know, I saw a double rainbow last week? You were too busy to hear about it, and did you know that was the straw that broke the camel's back?
It filled me with so much joy, I stopped the car in the road, I got out, I took several photos, and then I realized, even if I sent a message, even if I shared the photo, you wouldn't see it. Not right then, not even 20 minutes later. By the time you saw what I said, the moment would be a distant memory, my joy a shadow of itself in the retelling. I couldn't share a beautiful, rare moment with you, even in the telling.
I have that photo on the wall by the bed now.
The double rainbow brought clarity and confirmation.
The double rainbow bridge into the unknown.