Since I posted my first blog last night, I've not been able to turn my thoughts about it off. I was tempted to remove it by the middle of the night. I am a very private person...but have decided, for now it will remain.
I don't want it to be about my abuse. I've dealt with that, and am now ready to truly leave it in the past, where it belongs. It may have defined the kind of person I became as an adult, which even I can see, has been a strong, determined and confident woman and loving mother. But I also think we can redefine ourselves. I want it to be about that...the beginning of my new path. This beautiful, scary, exhilarating, exhausting road to finding my true self and being open to her and to my Master. To show that even though I've been through the thickest mud, I can still walk but most of all for the first time ... really ... let myself ... feel. We've all experienced hardships, loss and pain. My hope is that my blog will reflect that even through all of that, there is so much hope, love and yes, adventures to be had. And I have come too far to not explore my whole potential, as a woman, as a submissive and as a person.
I will admit that this is the first time in many years I have allowed myself to be so emotionally connected with anyone (my son being the exception) and I find myself in uncharted territory. I will admit that feeling this vulnerable and exposed to anyone has caused some of what I feel happening right now is the final shedding of my cocoon. And as the analogy goes, it is that final stage of metamorphosis that is the most painful, where the biggest changes and growth take place. And it is scary. There are times when I want to shrink so i can remain inside it's comfort.
On the other side of that though, I know I cannot. It doesn't fit me anymore. And I have seen glimpses of my potential, glimpses of endless possibilities and they give me hope and strength to put one foot in front of the other. I will keep my eyes focused on my Master. He is an amazing man (a very patient one too).💖 And I am so very grateful to have Him in my life.
I can't wait to see what is on the horizon!
