Yup..another sleepless night. It has been a bit of a reflective night. It was my son's 20th birthday the other day and all I've been able to think of has been how much has changed in my life the last few years, and most especially this past year. As he gains his independence and tests the waters ... so have I! I remember something my soul-sister said to me last spring..."you have devoted your life to being there for him, giving him all you have, now it's time to devote your life to yourself .. it's your time now". She was right.
As I look back at this last year ... almost to the day when I took my first step to truly opening up to someone and what has taken place since then ... oh my ... as much as I know I am still a baby in this lifestyle and have much to discover, learn, enjoy and get excited for ... I can see how far I've come. Some strides have been bigger than others, sometimes it's been 2 steps forward and 3 back! I struggle still with insecurities, doubts and fears...and patience... or lack of it really! It's a process, right? I am getting there. One day at a time so eveyone tells me! But I also see how much more confident I am in so many ways than ever before and how much happier I am being ... well ... me.
Exploring my sexuality, my desires, my deepest darkest secrets.
Growing as a woman, submissive and a person. Some of those dark secret desires don't scare me as much as they did before, thanks to my Master. He has helped me by being so very accepting of me ... all of me. And as I become more open to them, the thoughts of some of them have become exciting!! 😏😏 He has opened up my world in more ways than I never could have imagined and I am so very grateful everyday we found each other.
I feel the tides shifting a little and whenever they do, it is always a little scary as I try to find my balance. A few times I have been tempted to try to crawl back into the safety and quietness of my cocoon. Thankfully, I have met some truly amazing people here who have helped me figure out what my next step is, people with experience and wisdom have given me sound advice and some of whom have become so very special in my life. Grateful to have found them all, privileged to now call them friends.
The tides are shifting. While I wait for some peaceful smooth-sailing seas, today, even as I am still unsure of what will be, I patiently (well, trying anyways) wait for that to be revealed. Even though I am still trying to find my balance, strangely, I feel a sense of peace in it all. In that I truly believe I am right where I am supposed to be, with whom I am supposed to be with and headed in the direction I am meant to be headed.
I am excited to see where these winds will take me. I will endeavor to be open to learning all there is for me to discover, learn, experience and enjoy the journey ... my new journey.
One thing I've really noticed ... is how much I tend to speak in metaphors more now than ever before! LMAO I still prefer my cocoon/metamorphosis as I feel it truly resembles me and where I'm at right now. ... but I'm kind of liking the whole open sea metaphor now too!
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...starting to get a little punchy I think !! .. sleep would be good now 😴😴