"I'm proud of you."
These words were spoken to me by a close friend last night. But when they were expressed, at first I couldn't see why they were. Coming off of a difficult week. It tends to weigh you down and you're not able to see all of your accomplishments and growth. Sort of that "can't see the forest for the trees" syndrome. We all experience it.
Later in the evening it really made me ponder. I started to think back on when I first started to really try to understand myself better, especially this part of me. Worried there was something wrong with me for having the thoughts and feelings I do. Terrified of what else I might discover about myself and how I would feel about it and what other people would think about me .. even the people here. Even knowing the different involvement of kink here.
But I was determined and made a promise to myself that I would not ever deny myself or be denied again what I need, I did that for most of my adult life. I made a vow to myself that I would embrace the true and real me .. whatever that may be.
It really has been a journey and will continue to be. It has been exciting and terrifying at the same time. I've met some amazing people, some who will forever be life-long friends outside of here. They are in my heart. I've met some people who have not treated me kindly or respectfully. Sometimes I thought, none of this is worth the pain I feel. But what I've discovered is, that in spite of the ones who have hurt, I am stronger than they are. I've gone through the aftermath and come out the other side a stronger, more brave person.
Nobody's perfect. I am certainly not and the first to admit it. I may not be the most beautiful, the sexiest, or the girl with the perfect body. But I don't pretend to be someone I'm not. I'm Good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in my past, we've all done things we regret. But I learn from mistakes. I Am proud of who I am today.
And that is the person my friend saw when she said it. She saw the brave, strong woman.
When I look back at my life, I see the pain I've endured, the mistakes I've made. And when I looked in the mirror last night, I saw what my friend saw. A strong, beautiful woman who chose not to take the easy way out, to run away, but who took the time to sort through all of the past hurt instead.
We all have things going on in our lives that cause us to stumble and waiver. And we deserve to be proud of ourselves for being brave in facing what it is for each of us.
So ...
To my friend ...
To all my friends ...
All those in my life ...
I AM PROUD OF YOU!!
YOU ARE BRAVE
YOU ARE STRONG
So whatever it is you're going through and facing ... be proud of yourself ... and know ... this too shall pass.
❤❤❤
