Part of this is from a previous blog of mine .. but now expanding on it ..
The mind of a sub is quite a curious place. Just as I’m sure it is in that of a Dom, yet so very intriguing to me. I can only speak on my experiences as a sub. I would love to hear the perspective of a Dom.
Much of a submissive’s emotions are affected by cause. Who or what has caused a particular emotion to surface has a great effect on what we feel and how we react.
The willingness to please, the desire to be nurtured, to grow, to be the best version of ourselves, all while having to balance this raw primal emotion with the everyday. Not being able to discuss with close friends who would definitely not understand, the fear of being judged – it takes a strong individual to choose this lifestyle.
Submission can be very difficult, it‘s a mental discipline fed by the desires of the soul.
Subs don’t choose to be wired this way, we just are, and the same goes for Dominants. Our desires are conjured in the depths of our soul, which in turn, engages the mind to command the body.
A D/s dynamic has all the ingredients to be highly charged and emotional from very early on, all while still learning about each other. Dealing with the fears and insecurities of past experiences and personalities.
As subs, we need our Dominant to have an awareness of what a sub actually has to deal with and the difficulties that we may face.
When we find ourselves lost and confused in our thoughts and feelings, we count on our Dom to first help calm our fears. Then help us look at it all, talk through the issues and help us come up with a solution or plan of action when those things happen again. When we do that, we grow together in our dynamic. Having a better understanding of each other and triggers, helps our relationship grow stronger. It is not easy by any means. People say and do things in reactions to things or circumstances. They are our coping mechanisms. Feelings get hurt (yes, even Doms), disappointment happens, which, unfortunately perpetuates those fears and play on a subs emotional well-being.
The willingness and desire to entrust the most cherished parts of our being in the form of body, mind and spirit is to feel a deep level of commitment. That level of commitment can only come from both Dom and sub being willing to open up about themselves, their thoughts, their fears, their lives. How can trust build with someone we barely know?
When the lines become blurred, it’s very easy for confusion to set in. Consistency and a commitment to the betterment of the relationship is what maintains a harmonious balance.
I recognize how quickly and easily our thoughts can go in a situation or how a feeling can spiral. Taking us to the worst case scenario of what has brought it all on. We over-think, over-analyze and yes, we're emotional, it's what makes us subs.
A Dom once told me of His awe for his sub's inner strength to open herself to be as vulnerable and exposed to Him as she does. And how He realized He was equally responsible for being as open to her as well.
He also mentioned He was often forced to ponder who actually serves whom? He explained He sometimes struggled to draw a distinction; but realized the beautiful thing is that He didn’t have to – A good Dom also knows how to serve.
So to all those struggling and finding your way ... take a deep breath, you are not alone in the way you feel. We all experience it.
❤❤❤
