I lost a dear friend yesterday. He was an amazing man and was my mentor. So today the coffee holds no taste or scent.
I am just going through the process. He will be missed by many and his words will be remembered. CapnRick 1940-2026.
I will write a blog more on my mentorship with CapnRick and how our friendship grew. But right now I’m just holding it together.
the day is rainny any cool. The skies are a perfect shade of hazy blue. It had rained non stop all night. I have plants that need to be potted. Soon my hands will be pressing into damp earth. Oh how I love the smell of rain and dirt.
i will sip my coffee and just be.
a little latte this morning (haha) with my coffee greetings. I slept in until 1000! I laid there in the dark, naked between cool crisp percale sheets. I had no just to jump from bed as I normally do.
work days I leap from my bed at 0330 work out intensely then coffee enters the chat as I dress.
but on a day off and I have no plans, I relax. I sleep in. I sit on my kitchen counting just panties sipping coffee as I think about how I want my day to go.
im off for 3 days and my house is clean and tidy so I am free to do as I please. Perhaps more Pilates or yoga later. Maybe I’ll go for a walk.
but I know I must feel my imagination. I have felt stagnant for awhile now. I miss practicing my ropes, my photography, my writings. It’s time to take that back. I live for me and for those I care about.
that it does…that it does…
You Fly
Your heart breaks, you feel everything and nothing all at the same time. Food no longer has taste, water upon your lips is nothing but dust. Your eyes see but there is no light. You linger on a plane of not knowing which way is up, which way is down, or the left or the right. Your mind races and stales. Your body feels hot and cold.
You lay there and wait. You lay there and think. Memories are all you see and hear, every laughter and every tear. Your shell is thin and cracked. You think how much longer.
You slip away into a veil of self protection. Wrapping yourself in tightly. You focus and you grow. You find your pack. You engage, you ask questions, you learn.
You trust, you smile, you fight, you get dirty, you scream, and you become everything you want to be.
Then you fly- you dare fly as high as the sun with the possibility of burning and you dive down with the possibility of drowning. You take that chance. No longer holding yourself back.
it’s Friday my peeps
You got this.!
i am lost so many times. I look in the mirror and see the person I once was and she still haunts me. She haunts me with all of her fears and doubts . She reaches out and clutches my throat, silencing my voice. She whispers in my ear that I’m not good enough, that I never will be.
I can’t let her win. I won’t let her win. She is of the past and has no power over me. I will fight her daily. I will shatter her mirror. She will never never take from me again. I can’t let her. I will never look in her mirror again. If I do, my spirit will surly die.
are you the type who has to have a cuppa coffee first before engaging with others? I in fact do not and get told I am much too chipper as I bee bop into the office.
