***I will start by saying that I will be as objective as possible with this post but I realize that others will have very different opinions on the matter. Everyone is welcome in the discussion via comments.***
I regularly find myself in contention with the standards set by the Pro-Femdom industry. One example is the title of "Mistress". There are very few traditional standards in the community that grate on me but this is one of them. Here is why I dislike that title.
*It is cliche - It is overused and misused to the point that it loses its value.
*I don't like the association with the other definition of the word
This is of couse, a very personal perspective and I do not mean to deligitimize those that choose to use it, which brings me to the real discussion. What is in a title?
Many people don't realize how many there are for Domme women; Goddess, Princess, Queen, Miss, Lady, Madam/e, Domina, Empress or any other she choses to use.
Does a title provide some insight into the style of Domme she is?
Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. For example, for a woman that uses the title of Goddess, does she expect ritualized worship, chanting, offerings, etc.? Not necessarily. In my experience, women choose their title for very personal reasons and it becomes a significant component of their persona or even their identity. In some cases it may be just a title. Personally, I am very attached to my title, so much so that I often do not even share it until someone has earned the right to use it. However, I do often have a prospective partner use more casual forms of addressing me in the mean time, such as Miss or Ma'am. This is just one example of how complex title etiquette can be.
So how do you know what title to use, how to use it, or what value it has to your Domme?
ASK HER!
Generally you are not wrong to revert to the default title of Mistress. We are all used to hearing it and the gesture is appreciated. She will correct you with what she wants. But in my opinion, the acknowledgment and understanding that there are so many titles for women, and demonstrating that you have the desire to use the one that matters most to Her, is pleasantly unexpected and appreciated.
I have intentionally not discussed the details of titles for Dom men and those for other roles. It would be presumptuous to discuss aspects of dynamic in which I am unfamiliar. But I will say that I expect titles hold the same value for others as they do for Domme women.
Titles are an important aspect of the power dynamic. Appreciate them and make the effort to get it right.
