A few recent experiences have this topic at the forefront of my mind. Some of these are second hand tragedies that I've observed playing out from someone elses relationship, others are very real personal experiences. A consistent theme I've noticed is why people have such a hard time detaching from a relationship that isn't working. The prevalence of this in kink and D/s seems to be so much higher than traditional relationships, and I suppose that is not surprising. Lifestyle relationships take so much longer to develop. There is so much time and energy committed to getting to know your partner and developing that dynamic. The bond between two kink compatible people is significant as well. There is also this idea that "we can survive anything if we do it together". All of that is beautiful but not all relationships are meant to be. Some perfectly good ones are damaged irreparably. It is a fact that not all broken things can be fixed.
So how do we know when it is time to just call it quits. The longer you drag out a failing relationship the more damage all parties do to each other. Is it when you look in the mirror and realized you don't even recognize who you have become? Is it when you can't remember the last time you laughed and it wasn't faked? Is it when you begin to feel so bad about yourself that fault and flaw is all you see? How about when you get to a point that you are so detached from the positive experiences and memories that it doesn't even feel like it was you that experienced them?
One can hope that you throw in the towel before any of this but that just doesn't seem to be how it works out, not in kink anyway. Is it noble to try, to put in your very best efforts? Of course it is. It is also honorable to admit that you just can't put any more into it, that you simply don't have the tools needed for the job or that it just isn't possible. I know there are going to be people out there that disagree with me. I can hear you all now "Where there is a will there's a way", "You just need to want to", "You'll get through this and become a stronger couple". Forgive my skepticism. People that say such things are not taking about relationships damaged by lying, breaches of trust, infidelity, or physical or emotional abuse.
Imagine, if you will, the Red Thread from folklore, the one that is supposed to be an invisible yet unbreakable bond that connects soulmates at birth. Now imagine that this singular thread is all you have to mend both yourselves and the relationship. Every stitch made in that relationship is one less left for you. Every stitch your partner makes rips out one you put into yourself.
To anyone out there entangled in this manner, I have a new found respect for such efforts. However, I feel the same for anyone that has the strength to detach from such a thing. Faced with the same scenario myself, might just be time to walk away...
