Hello again, my friends! I must feel quite chatty as this is the second mental gem this week! Bear with me.... I'm just gonna lay it all out there for you to read and leave things up for discussion. These are just my opinions based on my experience, and may not reflect everyone's experience(s). I'll just thank you for your time and energy in advance. Please remember.... this is what I'm feeling tonight, and I may be in the wrong. :)
SO..... do you ever go looking on The Cage's Personals? Do you ever peruse Members based on your parameters, and hope to meet like minded people? Are you ever humming along, checking pages off the list, when something strikes you like a lead brick to the back of your head? Well, tonight, I had a bit of a lead brick hit me upside the head, and I just got to thinking about 'It All'. Don't fret! 'It All' sounds ominous, but honestly it's so vast and ethereal, you're just never sure what you're going to get when you put your line in my mental waters. Tonight's 'It All' has to do with the very tasty, sexual side of seeking another with a like mind. I like sex. Nay, I love sex. Sex is great! Sex should happen a lot if you ask me, and it should be a really positive experience for everyone involved. Am I right? Also right, is that sex isn't for everyone. Some abuse survivors can't go there, and I honor that truth too. I think I'm covering enough bases, but maybe I'm not. Anyway, I was reading through adverts and Profiles tonight when it struck me; hard, in the back of the head, and kind of blinded me. I'm okay, don't worry..... I'm shaking off the dizziness as I write. It struck me that too many men (as I don't peruse women's adverts) start listing off all the sexual sides D/s has to offer, and go off on a sexual tirade. Right off the bat, some men are telling me aaaalllll the things they're going to do to/for me, and basically taking me hostage on their fantasy parade. Please don't vilify me yet! This is just my take on what has been processed between my ears as I check out other people's environments. I should also add that my In-Box gets filled with illicit messages when 'How do you do' hasn't even been established yet. I may just be overly Old Fashioned, but honestly, when I talk to other women about this form of tack, I am invariably met with agreement: Sex has a significant place in D/s, but gentlemen... it should NOT be your starting point!
For instance, I came across an advert with a very detailed description of a gent wanting to tie me (the reader) up, whisper all the ways he was going to use me, and how 'wet' this was going to make me. This is so staggeringly common, I can't even... So, I liked that he used punctuation properly, and as it was an advertisement, I thought 'Why not go check out his Profile'. Friends, I checked it out, and literally laughed out loud! His Profile had NOTHING on it. NOTHING! After appreciating his grammar, I began to feel dirty, and not the right kind of dirty. I felt like a piece of meat instead of something to cherish and teach. It's not all this one guys' fault either! I can't tell you how much time I spend fending off booty calls, as I try to forget them as quickly as possible. Each time I decide to look at Profiles (here and on Fet), I have to steal myself up with a stiff shot of tea before opening listings because I'm always going to get an eye full of someone's fantasies, and very little information about what it is they're seeking. Other than a booty call, of course.
Some of you know that I took a break from The Cage recently, and have been dipping a toe into these murky waters again. Tonight's Lead Brick has left me questioning my sanity, and feeling like I need to internally consume half the fresh bottle of hand sanitizer I've got hanging out in my kitchen. I choose to be thankful to those that show themselves as they are when I come across Profiles that don't match my needs/desires, but honestly.... I feel cheated sometimes because of how MANY advertisements and Profiles share the same, smutty undertone. Where is it written that The Cage or FetLife are places for others to accost and take hostage? Yes, these are 'Alternative' websites, and I give a lot of leeway to others, especially newcomers, who are here to answer the call of their sexual sides, but seriously.... do any of you think I'm going to sit down at my device, write you a lovely message and make myself vulnerable to you because you're just on these sites to get laid? How often is this line of attack really working? Do you get much attention when you have a d*ck pic as your icon, and ask for nudes? Has anyone out there thought about how much of an eyeful your penis, as an icon, makes? Trust me, it hits home in ways you probably haven't thought about, and it turns loads of people off of you instantly. Your penis as an icon is an unwanted, unsolicited d*ck pic, and I, for one, rarely, if ever, open up Profiles or messages with icon pictures as such. Gross.
Och! I'm getting worked up, aren't I? I am old enough to be able to practice Love and Tolerance most times, but tonight.... I am just really frustrated with the onslaught of fantasy hostage taking there is out there. I usually stop reading after a few sentences, so no real harm is done to me, but I'm just so.... disappointed by the MASSES of men my age that try to get into my pants before bothering to get to know me. It's disheartening to read all about the sexual fantasies, but little about the man behind them. I am also sick of all of the one word messages, like 'Hey', and 'Hi'. I am sick of all of the assumptions that I want to know how big your manhood is, all the ways you're going to use me (as a woman), and no effort to find out if I am actually interested in what you want to do to some woman out there. Find some damned manners, and for the sake of all of those women who are searching for a true D/s, DD/lg, M/s, or any other sort of kinky connection, Use. Your. Brains. Think of it like this: how would you want your mother/daughter/female SO/etc., to feel when they entered a site like The Cage? Would you really want them to feel like a piece of meat? Would you want someone to feel degraded and unsafe because you went right from Point A to Point Sex? Probably not.
I'll go out on a limb and say that most of you would not. Most of you are really decent folk with a very kinky side, and I find that attractive. I just felt like I needed to call some men out on the carpet and ask you if you're really getting what you're after by typing the words 'I wanna f*ck u blind gurl' (don't get me started on the major fail in punctuation either). Or some semblance like that. **yuck** Maybe save your fantasies for Blogs or Writings... I want you to express yourself, I just don't think it's appropriate in and advertisement, or in a Profile that is designed to entice someone into your kinky lair. We all need to find out about limits, fetishes, and kinks, but what is it you're really trying to say when you put it on your profile? What kind of depth are you searching for, and is your message being properly received? Just thinking out loud tonight! Thank you again for your time and energy!
Blessings,
Calendar Girl
