I am hungry for solid D/s. Earlier today, I had a conversation (or two) with a kink friend, and I mentioned that I have been feeling overwhelmed and sad. We all know there is a lot of turmoil and uncertainty happening in the world right now, and that we're all impacted in some way. I don't want to take anything away from the important changes happening around us, but I did feel compelled to write some thoughts out tonight. I also spent part of today perusing other people's Cage Blogs and found a really great communication from someone that I can't remember, nor can I find their post again for reference. Anyway, it had a screenshot of a conversation that basically said we don't need to continually focus on the bad things in life; we can take charge of our lives, and lean into the good things happening around us. Sometimes we have to dig in order to find 'good things', but they're around us in abundance should we choose to seek them.
I am guilty of sitting in my warm pile of self pity today, so I'm not calling kettles or pots any color.... I'm just talking about me, and my revelation. For the most part, I'm a pretty grateful person. I grew up well enough, but I, like all of us, have scars from childhood. There were times when we didn't have enough, and had to get creative. In my house, I never got the 'all clear' signal once the hard times ended. There were years where I literally felt like if I ate lunch, our family would end up homeless, and I'd have to give my cat away. In my 20s, I was taught that being grateful for what you have is vital to personal peace. This is a lesson I have to be taught often, as I do forget to whip out my Gratitude List when I'm feeling low. In this era of history, there are many, many things that bring me down. I own my loneliness, but hang it all if I don't feel a bit resentful about it all. I'm just hungry for things I don't have. Heaven knows I get attention, but it's the struggle to find "The One" that trips me up sometimes. Meeting neat potentials is exciting; being friend zoned is less exciting, but at least I get to make more friends and learn more about myself and others. Today I read a bunch of news articles, and felt even worse as the day went on. I was about to message a friend and flirt with him, but I felt so crappy about myself that I stayed silent. That added to the general greyness in my mood. By 3:00pm, I was feeling downright teary when I came across that screenshot about an 87 year old man being grateful for the minutia. I was so struck by this screenshot/blog thing that I copied it and sent it to my down in the dumps friend right away, then added my own founded gratitude. Today, I was grateful for crazy cats and a big fan... it's been hot today, and I'm not only lucky to live in a safe place, I have a fan and air conditioning to turn on should I get too uncomfortable. I am also grateful that I got to have a Skype conversation with someone I know and trust. All of this social distancing stuff is grating on my social butterfly nerves, and I forget that I can connect electronically when the social chips are down.
I am not all rosie and chipper just now, but I do feel better because I've taken the time to look for the good things in life and to be grateful. There is a birds' nest just outside my bedroom window that has baby birds in it. The momma bird gets quite angry when anyone comes down the path to my front door, but I get to listen to her sing to her babies in the morning and as the sun goes down. I have mentioned my cats, and I'm lucky enough to have three critters that love me all the time. All. The. Time. They especially love me when it's Food o'Clock, but that's just bonus. Letting them love me makes me feel.... well, loved. One furry family member just curled up next to me as I type and is purring quite loudly. In truth, I am loved. Expanding my Gratitude List, I can include very real love from many sources. My ex-husband used to tell me that I had 'excellent Social Capitol'. Don't tell him I said he was right about anything, but..... he's right! Ha, ha, ha! He's actually right about a lot of things, but that's not for this Blog Post. I am loved and loveable. I will eventually find my missing puzzle piece, and I can absolutely hold on and be happy until then. I can even be unhappy until then, and still be alright. You see where I'm going with this? The world seems to be falling to pieces around us when we look at big pictures. Today, I'd like to suggest you look at smaller pictures if you're feeling low like I have been. If you're feeling too overwhelmed to come up with small, grateful images, start even smaller. All things change, and the low times give way to higher tides.
I'm hungry for solid D/s! I miss it like I miss nothing else. I have been hungry, and out of sorts, but I'm not starving to death. Gratitude and some more patience will fill me up while I sift through the sand, and something good is coming. Something good is already here.... this place! The Cage! I am so grateful that I can come to the table hungry and low, and be accepted and understood. Thank you everyone for being part of the solution! I am blessed! So are you, dear reader!
Until later,
Calendar Girl
