She was in the chat room when I arrived... and I clicked on her profile to see who she was (yes I actually read profiles). The picture opened and I found a beautiful and warm smile. One that drew me in and captivated me. I am legendary with my awkwardness with women and I made an attempt to flirt which came across as weird, I'm sure. We engaged in a bit of benign private chat but she didn't seem interested. I logged out of chat for the night, shrugging my shoulders and cursing my lack of "game". I asked a few friends if they knew her and what they knew. Everyone just said she was very nice and seemed sweet. I wondered if I would see or talk to her again but I couldn't stop wondering about this mystery girl. The next day came and I logged back into chat and she did show up. After the standard hellos I started awkwardly flirting in the room with her. We had exchanged a few pleasantries over pm's, but it seemed solely friendly. In frustration I sent a friend a PM... laughing at myself and telling her to come watch me flirt badly with this adorable boi. I told her that she wasn't my traditional type I was attracted to... but that I really was attracted to her. A few minutes passed and I got a reply..... from the adorable boi. In my frustration and haste I had sent that message to her, rather than my friend. I froze in horror.... fight or flight, djinni... braced myself for rejection.... but instead she laughed and teased a little. I tried to play it cool... but I was excited that she was chatting with me and a whole lot mortified that I had sent that.
Things have been so good. I'm at ease with her. She makes me laugh and brings out my Dominant side, even when I'm not expecting it. I have always considered play with other females, just that, play. I've resisted being serious emotionally with a woman, since my experiences in dating have been utter fails. Day by day passed and we grew closer, and sometimes it was 2 steps forward and one back. She's been hurt, I knew that going in. Her boundaries were clear, so clear that they were almost painful to me. I was(am) smitten, and I made no bones about it. I knew I was falling, she did too. I respected that I always knew where I stood with her, even if it was just outside of where i wanted to be, I was in this.
She started to slowly open herself to me and I accepted what she would give and hold it as precious. I knew too soon that she completed the other half of my heart. The part where He does not reside. The part that loves and desires to hold feminine energy. I was afraid to express myself, so I eluded to it, showed it, but I did not say it outright. Constantly telling myself... Her boundaries are clear, you must be patient... but my heart kept saying... you love her, you should tell her. So I did, and held my breath, waiting for her to push back and say she wasn't ready. Instead she said that she was feeling the same. I have been floating ever since.... that this wonderful person loves me back. Not only did she say she loves me back.... but she wrote the most beautiful blog.... exposing herself to all, to share our love and devotion. I was stunned and honored. Her words make me feel as though I can do anything. She fills my days with laughter, joy and sometimes frustration. I see possibilities, a future and a whole lot of fun along the way, She does not take away from what I have with Him. Her approach to poly is exactly as it should be, she doesn't seek to be my own and only, but just to be mine.
I've said over and over, long distance is hard, but I've never put spatial limitations on love. Your soul mate(s) might not be in your back yard. I say take the chance, talk to that person and believe in fate.
PS,
Your words were so lovely, that I am humbled and in awe of you. So instead of showering you with platitudes of love, I share our story..... because I'm old and I'll probably forget. ;)
