Healing, learning, finding true self

-Emotional and letting it out -

• So a guy im into and i decided to start a sexual relationship as neither are up to a relationship. He expresses he wants to be a sub. Cool i think on it. Do some research come here to learn more. Been talking to him for a few hours today asking questions. I had mad the assumption he knew nothing because of his lack of experience. I offered he punish me but no physical hitting of such. Bitting/hicky is my suggestion. I cant do that as im still healing from a sexual/physical/emotional abusive relationship. I be honest about it. I tell him my hard nos. He then says dont worry about the bdsm. Yeah i may have been forward and over excited. But he didnt want to talk about what he wants. Hes decided he wants just sexual fun. Ahh do the work to learn and get shut down. I feel like i only have crappy relationships. I try hard maybe its not the right time for me? Im a mess now. Though on the outside im okay. Spending time with my pets to help me feel better. I choose to be a dom to help gain some control within myself. I said he doesnt have to deal with my meal health just if i need a moment to stop and breathe to know its not him. Maybe ill just see where the fun sex goes with him and if im not ready for that ill just go back to friends. I dont know what to do. I made the effort again and got rejected again. How am i to be happy if when i try i get knocked down ahh sigh. Tomorrows a new day