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My Very Own Jeremiad

Random thoughts...pieces of me that pertain to nothing and anything. Yoda I am not, but yes I wish.
4 years ago. June 10, 2020 at 3:27 AM

A storm is coming,, feeling the beginnings of starting to spiral out of control.  Trying to control/manage everything means I’m actually doing the opposite.  I see it and logically recognize it, but my first reaction is to chase a number. Grab onto and manipulate, change, manage the first and easiest thing I can, like a security blanket its what I always grab onto. 
 
I had hoped by this stage in my life there would be another coping mechanism.  Lets be honest I had hoped there would be someone else, I could briefly pass control over to so I could just float for a bit and get a little closer to shore before attempting to stand.  Yes, I am enough to weather the storm on my own.  I am slightly afraid of what I will become once I get to the other side, but I am more than capable on my own to get through it all.
 
Due to circumstances I had to walk away for a bit.  I didn’t realize how empty/alone it would make me feel.  Thought I could do without any of it.  Hating to admit it, but I guess it truly is apart of me after all that it isn’t just a phase.  Now need to explore and try to find something tangibly real before I truly get lost on my number quest. 

Massdomguy​(dom male)​{Not lookin} - There is nothing wrong with walking away for a while. I planned to take a short break and before I knew it, more than 7 months had gone by. Glad to see you back my friend...
4 years ago

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