M/s 24/7

Yesterday I was really struggling with next week being Through the Looking Glass. 

Its New Mexico in May and we got snow yesterday. 

 

So much needs to happen in such a short period of time. 

 

If the weather doesnt pick up we are really in trouble. 

We have a back up plan that solves most of our concerns, but...

Oy. 

And then my other partner wrote me this :

 

"The bottom line is that the event will be a big success.  Lots of attendees, great presentations, great event space, good energy.  it will be the start of a wonderful annual happening.  You already are planning for a hotel for next year!  It’s going to be terrific.  And people will look back in 20 years to the beginnings of the famous Albuquerque Through the Looking Glass event and hear the legends of its humble beginnings in a horse pasture…and wonder if it that was really true or just a legend."

 

 

I have read it over and over. 

Today I woke up and felt like everything was going to be ok. 

 

 

Yesterday I had the honor of meeting with a person in our community who is the vendor coordinator for multiple large people events. 1200 people and up.

I wrote down every word. I tried to soak in as much as I could. Multiple times I slumped back in my chair with my mouth hanging open while trying to take in the wisdom of this person.

 

I have been honored enough that they've agreed to come with me to contract a  a hotel for next year's Through the Looking Glass.

A hotel.

Seriously a hotel...

They have dealt with big events for so long that they were very easily able to spot my deficiencies and both my planning process and how I'm thinking.

 

 

I was able to ask questions that I had always wanted answers two.

 

 

Do big events split up dungeon event dungeon space by gender? How do you handle photography? When do you need door monitors? How do you handle the need for  barriers in the dungeon ? How do you even begin to negotiate a BDSM event that allows sex in a hotel? How do you afford and finance everything? How do you appeal to the best vendors and speakers? How do you grow?

 

 

I've done small events and day events since 2007. But my vision for Through the Lookin Glass is so much bigger than anything I've ever done. I am out of my depth. I have my energy, effort, desire, and drive. But I am deeply lacking in knowledge.

 

This event for the 18th is already a done deal. Now we just sit back and have fun.

 

Next year however it's a whole other ballgame.

 

I'm going to keep core aspects of Through the Looking Glass. Who we represent, how we represent, and our core values.

 

What I have to legitimately look at is doing the entire thing on donations. There are always  people who can't afford. We will do scholarships. I want to keep that.

But since I am serious about growth I'm going to have to critcally look at our bottom line. 

 

 

Where I'm most blown away is in the idea that we can go to a hotel within our second year.

 

 That I have somebody who can legitimately teach me next steps.

 

 

I am still trying to take in everything that this person shared. I want to honor this learning so deeply.

 

 

We have so much growing to do! And I am deeply deeply ready.

 

 

Today is a day of gratitude and fulfillment and being able to be in awe.

 

Thank you for reading my dear cage friends!

 

 

 

Walking into last night I wasn't expecting a lot of people. Numbers whether they are high or low don't tend to bother me.  I figured we'd have about 9 people. I was wrong. We had  really good numbers last night, a ton of new people, and holy shit the play party was freaking awesome!!

 

It started out, and here's where I just giggle at myself,  we didn't have paper cups, plates, or silverware. We had to wait till somebody donated at the door for us to go get paper goods.

 

Our gratefulness was that we had enough toilet paper.

 

For this party I was completely different.

I sat outside in the beginning. I greeted people as they came through the gate. I just took it easy. I did not have the brain power to do the door. That just was not going to happen, so I needed to make sure that I was keeping an eye on everybody.

 

 

Then the mysterious and magical Vanna showed up. Vanna has been working on this thing called "The Box" and she brought it last night. It's not completely done but it is beautiful! We've decided to name it the sexhedron. It is  4  independently standing pillars connected at the top. Lots of eye bolts for tying people up. The sex sling is in the process of being made. Once done it will go in the middle !!! Its app 10×10.

 

Throughout the night people were outside on the deck and playing under the stars. People were utilizing that piece of equipment all night long.  I was over the moon.

There's still some work that needs to be done on it before its ready for May 18th,  but the joy and fun of which we are already infusing into her, was palpable.

 

 

 Lil Miss is retiring from Obsidian and moving out of state. Last night was the last play party will we be together where she is actually a part of Obsidian. She made me a cake. It was a booby cake with a black and red corset. It was so good!

 

 

Lil Miss came with her new beau. I liked him right away. Smart, independent, not a dick.  Lil Miss had mentioned that maybe they wanted to get a lesson from me on flogging.

 I played that by ear because he is a  new D type to her and I don't want to step on any toes.  I don't want him to feel like people look down on him for whatever his style is. 

So, last night were all outside on the back deck and he ties up Lil Miss on the sexhedren and he turns to me and says "what do you think?"

I thought Okay you are  comfortable with me coming in here. I worked a little bit with Lil Miss on the sexhedron and then I said  "the best way to do this is to untie her and let's take it from the beginning." 

I worked with him on positioning, thinking it through, and putting the emotional intent of the scene above all. Even though the flogger is in your hand what else are you going to use and do before that flogger? It was a soft moment for me and  I was deeply grateful to be a part of his growth.

 

I have a different style when it comes to teaching flogging then most people I've seen. For me it isn't about me, it's absolutely about these two people being able to connect. Listening to Lil Miss moans and breathing patterns,  it was just a joy. I don't take over. I would show him  what I was doing. I would demonstrate. I would say "can I touch you?" Then step back. 

 

When it comes to this kind of teaching it is all about building the energy between the two of them.

 

 

 

All of the play was wonderful!!! There was so much fun, beauty, and joy. 

 

It was the absolutely perfect mix of people who didn't look like me!!! Non-binary, trans, altsex, POC. It was exactly what I had hoped it would be. I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a long time and I  came up and give them the biggest hug.

There's a generalized excitement about May 18th. So I'm very excited about that. 

 

 

 

Later in the night about 2 in the morning when things were kind of calming down,  somebody started a scene and I was just watching.

 

   They turned to me and said "can you work with us a little bit?" 

 

I'm always honored to do that so I said sure.

 

The first question that I asked them is "what's your Dynamic? Are you top/ bottom? Is there a power exchange?" They didn't have a lot of answers for that and I said "okay those are things you're going to want to think about."

 Then I said " let's just kind of work this out and as we go we make adjustments."

It started with a very interesting exchange.  She said "where do you want me?"

He said "where do you want to be?" Then she went over to the table and bent over. 

 

I stopped them at this point and I said "what just happened here?"

They're looking at each other and they're looking at me because this is how they normally do things. 

 

I said " what just happened here is she asked for you to take control. You did not take control. So she did.  What that means is if she doesn't trust you to take control then she's going to have to. Out of self-preservation. So let's try this again."

 

 

 I separated the two of them we pretended there was a room between them and I told him   "think of the three things that you want to take control of.  Do you  want her to be sitting, standing,  laying? Do you want to be facing towards you or facing away? Lastly, how is it that you want to present yourself when you enter into the room? In other words what's your intent the scene?"

He said  or him the intention is sexual.

I said "perfect we can work with that."

 I had him walk back in and take control of the space. As the scenes were progressing it became easier for him to take that control. I really enjoyed watched his evolution.

 

In their personal dynamic she is used to saying "what do you want?" Then he throws it back to her. Since he's not making a decision  she does. Getting them to break that pattern during a scene was really interesting. Once he saw it  he was able to  change it pretty quickly.  

 

 

Beloved , I, and Lil Miss co topped just the cutest cutest cutest guy. He was just adorable.

 

 

The way cool thing was how much love,  laughter,  and a sense of real community permeated the event.

In the end I had  people come to me and say thank you so much and they feel so very welcome and that that is a really big deal. That's something that we strive for and they'll be seeing us on May 18th.

 I'm just so excited!

 

 

 

So to put a little bit of truth out there. I was starting to have really bad second thoughts about May 18th.

 

What is it doing to us? What are we trying to do? Does this matter? Why am I bothering?

 

With all of this running through my head our other partner said go watch this documentary on Fyre Festival.

 

I'm like sure, whatever, yeah this will help me.   I'm going to humor you but I don't anticipate this changing my life---- well it did. Fyre festival, for those of you guys who don't know,  was a  music festival that people were paying $10,000 to $250,000 per person for.  What basically happened is they showed up and there's no music, no villas, no food, no water, no sanitation. They did have tents with soggy mattresses.

 

So I thought to myself "as bad as stuff could potentially go on May 18th. At least I'm not that guy!"

 

 

The Obsidian team reminded me that IT IS A GOOD THING  the event is going to be small.

 We are expecting between 60 and 90 people, which is small for us.

 

They reminded me "Let's keep it small until we really get our systems down."

 

I stopped pursuing vendors at this point. I'm just focusing on processes. What are the processes that need to happen?

What are the processes that we can utilize to make it bigger with controlled chaos?

 

It was really great to be able to talk to the team about this.  We might be small this time out but we actually need to be until we have our own selves figured out.

 

 

It was a perfect party, with so many amazing conversations. I am still in after glow.

 

 

Yesterday I met with the head of NM:TNG. After the meeting I was exhausted.  I mean completely wiped out emotionally, physically,  psychologically.  

 

I got into the car and recounted the conversation to My love. 

It had gone incredibly well. 

I took lots of notes and am optimistic for a collaboration.  

I learned a lot. She is so smart and has organized  large events for the better part of her adult life. She gave me amazing tips. I have always organized small events. So I'm in over my head here. She agreed to come to the event and critique it!!!! That was so awesome to hear!!!!

But.....

And there is always a but. 

I was very clear that she needed to check in with her group BEFORE we finalized anything. 

I kept reiterating this. 

 

She said "I am Switzerland."

 

I said "I am not. "

 

She said "Cant we all just recognize that we are all kinky and get along?" 

 

I drew a deep breath and looked at my paper but did not respond. 

 

It was after I told my love about the conversation that she had the best insight. 

My love said "you were defeated during this conversation. Considering what has happened in the past that makes sense".

It was like a lightbulb went off. 

 

I've been through this before. 

I meet with someone. They get excited about what a collaboration can do and what I can offer. 

 

Then they go home and tell their friends or group and next thing I know they dont tell me they are pulling out I get to read about what an abusive asshole I am. 

 

I kept telling her- dont commit until you run it by your group because I dont want to alienate your base. 

 

I also kept saying you dont owe me an explanation for anything. I just need to know end product. 

 

She said she could get me her class description, bio, pic, and class name yesterday. 

 

I said "check with your group first."

 

So now I wait. 

 

My goal with Through the Looking Glass is to have a collaboration with all speakers. 

 

My thought is when groups cross post and cross promote we all win. It also gets harder for the gossip mill to keep up the rumor that all the groups are warring. 

 

I'm so tired just recounting this. 

I am waiting for the turn from her so I can read about how much of a problem I am. 

 

I will keep doing what I do. 

The collaboration goal will remain. 

 

We can do this. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I AM SO PROUD!!!

The last night was the event called Wonderland. It was at the Sidewinders bar. It was a fundraiser for throughthelookingglass. It was probably the last time that I'll be working with Lil Miss as she has to move on and do other things in her life.

It was an Exquisite show. The Acts were so high caliber. Lil Miss  actually talked a couple people to come out of retirement because they were so excited about the Alice in Wonderland theme.

 

 

I have one rule about any shows that Obsidian does. No poetry no exceptions. It's not that I have a hatred for the art form. Although I don't particularly care for it. A lot of people really enjoy it. However when an art form, any art form, is utilized to promote hate speech and privilege I will not have it at my shows.

 

So imagine my surprise when I showed up and there was a local poet.  I turned to Lil Miss and I said "no poetry no exceptions". She started to panic a little bit. This is something that has been said from the beginning. It is not a surprise. And I thought "I'll handle this. I dont want to. But this cant happen".

 

Having known this poet and his ego for years it was as simple as telling him "I need to review what you're going to say before you go on stage".

 

First he wouldn't give me the page numbers of the book, his book, that he was reading out of. I kept trying to verify what it was he was reading and he was being cagey. So finally I said "if it is going to be this one particular piece can we do something else?"

He said " do you want me to go?"

I said "no, do you want to go?"

He said "if I cant read this piece you dont want me."

I said "can you do another piece?" 

It went back and forth till he stormed off. 

Dont care. The interesting thing is we have always been cordial. So his hostility was way out of bounds. 

 

 

That was the hiccup.  

And, thankfully  the only one. 

 

As a rule, I don't generally enjoy shows anymore. Lip-syncing has me bored to tears. Unless the act is highly prepared and highly polished I really don't care if the performer knows all the words.

 

I took a couple of work calls last night. I wasn't on call but they're my people so I always talk to them.

 

What honestly touched my heart was that my love performed for the first time in over three years. Ever since the accident she's been taking care of me and last night  she was brilliant.  Seeing her there on stage it was something that just touched me in this extremely deep way.

 

 

She hits every mark. She consumes the stage. And the crowd loves her. She was the highest tipped performer of the night, which is normal for her. She easily brought in a quarter of what we made total.

 

I will post the video here when she has it up on YouTube. 

 

In the meantime here is some of her work :

7.3million views 

 

2.5million views

 

 

This one made a lot of people cry

 

 

 

 

I had an amazing time last night. It was really something. I feel so deeply blessed!!! 

 

After reading the kink shaming forum here I thought about next years classes and doing one in kink shaming  

 

Then I got to thinking--

What about doing a class about online relationships?

 

Your input would help here !! 

 

I am a country music fan. Garth Brooks is my GO TO. 

Here is what I have been belting out in my morning bath surrounded by bubbles:

 

One hand reaches out
And pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
And they say what good have you done
By saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm
And I hear them saying
You'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me
This heart still believes
That love and mercy still exist
While all the hatreds rage
And so many say
That love is all but pointless
In madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss
And I hear them saying
You'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me
As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone
And I hear them saying
You'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me
What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

 

 

 

Songwriters: Tony Arata / Wayne Tester

Today we landed 1200 SQUARE feet of dungeon space!!! AND TWINKLY LIGHTS!!!!

 

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS IS GOING TO KICK ASS !!!!

I was really messed up and confused over the loss of our venue for Through the Looking Glass.

I stopped at my favorite eatery for lunch. It's a salad buffet. Very quiet. Great nacho bar. Made a couple of phone calls. Try to figure out what was our plan now...

 Then I picked up my love a box of chicken. 

 I had one more errand. One of our community guys had driven me around for work and I owed him $25.

 

He gave me his address. As I was driving towards it I realized I  was headed to a not-so-great part of town. 

 

I pulled into his trailer park. I could feel the energy around me shift. The trailers were all very close together. No grass, no yard. Each trailer was missing something. Some were missing windows, some were missing parts of the outside, most were missing skirts, some of them had been vandalized, some just had an etching where the numbers used to be, some had doors hanging off hinges.

 

I, of course, got lost, and had to drive around the neighborhood a little bit too find my friend. He had lived here for five years that I knew of. I didn't panic or have concern for my safety. That's not what was running through my head.

My friend came out into the road to meet me. I gave him his money, smiled, and went to leave. That's when the gravity of what I was seeing truly hit.

 

I get to leave.

 

 

He gets to go back into his trailer with a front door lock that doesn't work. After people in his neighborhood saw me hand him money.

 

I get to take the 40-minute drive home. Too our 2 and 1/2 acres of peace and quiet. I get to feed the horses and watch them eat. I get to let the dogs out and have them run around free.

 

I get to go inside of our home and lock the world away. I get to come to a home where chances of us being robbed is very very small. I get to come to a home where the electricity bill is paid. We have fresh water from a well, food, and heat. 

 

 

 

The Obsidian team meets today. 

We will restructure to determine how to have the event at our place. 

It can be done. Just needs work. 

 

And considering what others are dealing with in their reality. 

 

This is indeed the least of our problems.