Today I went to the 3rd funeral in 5 weeks.
I am confused as to how I feel.
Death doesnt brother me, but when a fellow gay passes it's more personal.
It was suicide.
I am not anti suicide.
I just dont understand why they killed their dogs first.
He often said he wanted to go to a kink event. I often invited him.
His long time husband died 3 years ago of AIDS. We were there for his funeral to.
It used to be that a suicide couldn't be buried in the designated Jewish section of the cemetery.
Now, there is more understanding the suicide is an illness and thankfully that has been relaxed.
I get angry when I am reminded that although he has been at the Synagogue years before we came, he did not come out until after we were established here.
Why is that.
Rhetorical.
I thought that writing this would somehow give me insight into why I'm so confused about his death.
It hasn't.
But I am reminded to do something.
At the weekend local bdsm events there is always a table that we keep for those that have passed.
There are pictures, poems, gifts.
I need to make sure one is at Through the Looking Glass.
Pay it forward by looking back.