When I first started in BDSM, I was asked the question:
In an M/s relationship who drives?
Does the Master drive?
Does the slave drive?
In addition, what does each result mean about service within that relationship?
I pondered that for a little while. Then I realized that the end product does not always determine if something is an act of service or an act of control.
BUT the request does.
What I mean by this is:
If the Master says “I drive” then the slave gets to be the passenger.
If the Master says “the slave drives” then the Master gets to be a passenger.
It is not the end product that determines if the service was done, it is the Master’s request.
I was in a car accident in 04/2017. I have been on long-term disability since 09/2017. My slave has had to pick up the slack when I have not been able to do things.
This does not mean that she is topping from below or leading out of her place. It does mean that outside eyes can easily misinterpret how she serves.
For example, I was at an event and I got confused. My slave took my hand and led me down the hall out of the fray and said “sit here and I’ll get you water.” Because of my confision. I needed short sentences.
Did that mean she led inappropriately?
How did that look to others?
For me, she was not leading inappropriately she was instead in service to me and working towards my comfort.
When a Master gets their own plate of food. Is that because the slave refuses to get the food? Is it because the Master enjoys getting their own food?
How is each thing viewed differently?
For us, my slave walks in front of me most of the time.
For others the slave must walk behind two paces and off the dominant hand.
My slave walking in front of me is my choice. That is where I prefer her. I love watching her walk and I feel that I can better keep her safe when she is in front of me.
It does not mean that she is walking over me, or that she is leading from under. It is that she is doing what I want and need her to do.
Therefore, as we look at how dynamics play out it is often easy to say:
That Master does not have the slave in hand.
Or “---“ is not a slave, they run all over their Master.
When really that is not it at all, because what we see does not entail everything that they feel.
