Since recognizing this submissive side of me, I've been so much more confident of myself. It could be traveling on my own, but it could also be ownership of my body and desires. Something is different and I'm happy about it.
Still haven't had any real life play, but there is one Dom I've been talking with for months and he's been really supportive and respectful. He's changed my life with his patience and encouragement. He's also been an incredible friend. That's something I never thought I'd find through BDSM, especially online. But it's clear he respects me. Even if we never met IRL I'd still consider him my *first* Master. We're not committed in anyway to each other, and I don't need that from him... But my respect for his "training" of me will earn lifelong gratitude.
I also came across a Dom recently in an unrelated OL voicechatroom and something in me *knew* he was a Dom. It was the most inexplicable thing.
...There was a wave of submissiveness that deadened me to everything else-- I don't know how to explain it.
I kept talking with him, knowing that this was different. We got on really well and had our own call. It was meaningless, silly phone sex and we were giggling or moaning the entire time. V casual. No over the D/s power/control dynamics.
.. but I still felt this thing calling to me.
Later I dropped a few hints when we were flirting (casual "yes sir" type of things) that he totally ignored... In the end he didn't broach the subject until I had the confidence to ask outright. It was a small fun game for him, but for me, it meant I needed to acknowledge that I want to seek out BDSM play, not just in forums online where I know we are all of like minds-- if that makes sense.
Anyway. That's the update.
Oh, and I'm going on my first date with a woman this week.
Exploring my Bi-curiousity was NEVER one of the things I expected to come out of all this and yet...
Here I am being brave and trying new things. Best wishes to you my lovelies
X ivy