My spirit is broken. I feel lost and confused. A lot happened yesterday that has left me in this state. So what do I do when I feel this way? I bake... well I made cake batter cookies with a homemade buttercream frosting... and I cooked steaks and a pasta for dinner. After finishing I still felt lost.
Yesterday my ex threatened many things he was going to do to himself if I didn't take him back. (Yes we still live together for the kids). He threatened to harm himself on many different levels that I had to call someone else to help me. Thank God his dad can talk him out of anything.
But today? I feel so broken. Just destroyed. Was life with me really that awful that someone should make such threats? I didn't think I was that bad. So now here I sit trying to find a job that isn't seasonal so I can get back onto my own 2 feet. I just feel crushed.
This marriage has been so emotionally bad for me that I don't know if I'll ever get into another. It's literally broken me. I do know I'll probably never be able to fully trust again and that scares me. How can I find what I want more than anything else if I can't trust?
I have a long road ahead of me. I need to continue my therapy and refind myself. It's going to take awhile but I am stronger than this. Even if right now I'm broken beyond belief.
