Good enough.

Thoughts of a sub whose seen too much in her young life.

Conflicted feelings.

4 years ago. March 15, 2020 at 2:01 PM

I debated long and hard about making this post. It's nothing bad just personal and honestly not even that personal.

For as long as I can remember since 8th grade I have hated my birthday. It was the year every body and I mean everybody completely forgot my birthday. Matters only became worse when my oldest daughter (whom I love to death) was born 5 days before my birthday. That year was a good year and the last year I remember being a good year. As I get older I start to dislike it more and more... I mean who should be stuck making their own cake and cleaning the entire house along with having both kids the entire day bc your ex rather go play some LARP game at a camp with his friends.

Than I was questioning as to why if I hate my birthday so much I always feel disappointed after the day has ended that no one seemed to care... well for the longest time there I fought my little side. Tooth and nail... and since I've accepted her it finally makes sense... well big me HATES my birthday wouldn't you know it... my little side loves it and wants to feel special...

She wants the balloons and people wishing us a happy birthday. She wants all the cake and candy she can eat. She wants to know people care.... and yet big me is always telling everyone not to worry about it be ause I hate it.

That's where I stand today... on my 28th birthday... hoping someone cares enough to say something while also praying no one mentions it. Endless to say I am an emotional mess and am trying to make the best of it... after all I am getting a massage and a facial today. But still... I hate conflicting feelings.

So well... Happy Birthday to me...

Always be kind...

Pandabear

LaVieEnRose(sub female){Learning } - Happy birthday! But I know that feeling well, everyone is shocked when I say I don’t really celebrate it or do anything special. Even going out to eat with my family never felt special because if we didn’t go where my brother wanted he would make it miserable (we have very close birthdays), so it was never really about me. But who wants to celebrate being one foot closer to the grave

Xx🥀

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - With my daughter's being so close we always do everything for her.

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - And thank you

4 years ago

LitAngel(sub female) - Happy Birth Day!!!!

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - Thank you

4 years ago

Manda Panda(sub female) - Happy Birthday!! 🤗🥳

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - Thank you

4 years ago

Litlegrl(sub female){Dragon11} - Happy birthday! I completely understand the conflicting emotions. I had one birthday where my dad "surprised" me for my birthday by asking my brother and sister where I would want to go. They chose mini golf. Not that I disliked it, but not what I would have picked. From then on, anytime anyone asked me "What do you want to do?" I'd say it didn't matter.

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - Thank you

4 years ago

Grey Eyes(sub female){Owned} - Happy birthday first of all 🎉🎂. I feel your emotions Pandabear. I was born on my father's birthday. My father's birthday was always celebrated in grand fashion, big big parties for him on his day. Nothing for me. When I became an adult, neither husband celebrated my birthday though I celebrated theirs. Not sure where their disconnect was. DDFH says things will be different this year....not sure what to do with myself when that happens, but would love to find out!

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - Well I hope it is different for you this year! And thank you

4 years ago

Sir Don(dom male){Not lookin} - We will post pictures maybe depends on how many clothes she has on after we start

4 years ago

Grey Eyes(sub female){Owned} - Wait, what? That was unexpected

4 years ago

TheLittlePrincess(sub female){SSG} - Happy birthday! I totally get how you feel. Maybe try to find a close friend that you can go out with at a later day to celebrate. Something a happy medium- celebrating and yet not doing all the theatrics. For mine, I got my aunt and sister to go out with me a week after my birthday. Not too much and yet enough to enjoy it. Sending you all the virtual birthday cupcakes and balloons! Happy Birthday!!!

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - I wish I had someone I could do that with but sadly I don't. And in response to the virtual cupcakes and balloons... *squeals and runs around throwing balloons everywhere* thank you!!!

4 years ago

TheLittlePrincess(sub female){SSG} - Well in that case, do something that makes you happy. Like really happy. Go get a ton of candy or buy a bunch of balloons from dollar store and play with them. Draw,paint,color, blow bubbles. Whatever it is that is going to make you happy, do it. It doesn't have to be a big thing just something fun.

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - I baked a cake and got a massage! And later I'm gonna play my video games.

4 years ago

TheLittlePrincess(sub female){SSG} - Oooh video games! *eyes go wide* Well you know.... you might need a second player and uh... I happen to like games. Lol Also I clicked to see your profile and Cage has a little birthday cake icon and says Happy Birthday! That's cute.

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - I actually did not know that! That's amazing!

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - And if I'm being honest I play the games to play with Daddy... he gets on around midnight-2 am to play so I takes naps to play wif Him :)

4 years ago

AimeetheSub(sub female) - Happy birthday! 🎂 ❤

4 years ago

Pandabear(sub female) - Thank you

4 years ago

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Pandabear​(sub female)

Good enough.

Conflicted feelings.

Pandabear(sub female)