A two-sided surrender:
The only way I want to be equal to you is in hunger. I want you sharply, fiercely, furiously in need of me. I want to be sharp and fierce and furious in my need back.
The power I admire second-most is unequivocal want. The power I admire most is a comfort with wanting and being wanted, an ability to feed on hunger without being consumed by it. Being desired is intoxicating, but getting too drunk on desire too quickly often kills the source of the desire in the first place. I want people who know how to surrender, either to their desires or to mine. I want people for whom surrender is a choice.
If you don't want me enough to take me, you don't want me enough. If your desire isn't hot enough to come to a white-hot point, a point where you can assert it and use it even though you can scarcely touch it, it's not the desire I want carving me to pieces. And if you can't stay yourself under the weight of my desire, using me through my need to use you, you're not rewarding me for my lust in the way my lust for you deserves.
For hunger should be rewarded, when it's mutual. Merely satiating it shouldn't be enough. We should celebrate our hungers, and celebrate it by both torturing and indulging the hungry. I rejoice in your hunger by making your stomach growl, your lips tremble, your eyes plead, your body melt with want for me. I reward you by petting and stroking, smothering and embracing, scratching and pinching and biting—whichever treat you personally crave.
And I want you torturing and indulging me right back. Getting in my head at the moment I most want you. Tormenting me until my lust shines out as if through stained glass, mythic and vibrant and all-too-real. Rewarding me as if to delight in how eagerly I take in the sight and feel and sound of you as a reward. Rewarding me as if you finally understand your own value, your own worth. Reward me tenderly and generously, playfully and teasingly, and finally reward me darkly, as my hunger awakens a new kind of greedy cruelty in you.
We should both want to lose, and we should both know how to take ferocious joy in the other's loss. Savor my desperations as I savor in yours. Thrill in the unique forms my hunger takes, the unique demands I make of you, and I will study you in turn like you're my classroom and my teacher and my eager student too.
Our hunger is as individual as anything about us. I love you for the ways you want to be consumed—and the ways you would consume the willing. I want to be so loved in turn. To hunger blindly, without either seeing or being seen, is to forsake the most tender moments of being alive: the moments where we define ourselves by our need for someone else. We cannot need without knowing; we cannot hunger for another person in their entirety until we know the forms their hunger takes. You can't surrender to me until you know and embrace the ways in which I would surrender back to you.
Take me, so you may finally be taken.
The 2-sided surrender is a motto that I now live by every day and it is EXTREMELY important to me! I did not write this, although it is now part of my soul. All of the credit for this writing belongs to WhyTrustTomHanks from FetLife.
I dedicate this blog to my love, my kitten, my Nina. You are my world and I love you so very much today, tomorrow, and always!!
❤️😘🤗🌹
Wishing everyone love, happiness, peace and joy!! ❤️
MDG
