Discommbobulated

As I wait for Sir to return. I take advantage of my alone time. Sir would not approve of this but he’s away and the sub shall play? With herself. I thumb through my private collection of clothing that hangs simply yet sexually on my Sir approved metal rack. I only wear these outfits when I’ve been given permission. I admire each silky blouse, starch ironed tight fitting jeans and of course, the snuggly fitted dresses with zippers that gracefully trace my back side. He loves it when I wear the clothing that he hand picked. I drop my loose fitting tattered blue jeans and black t-shirt to the floor and replace the garments with the long sleeved floor length see through laced overlay across my shoulders. I love how the lace gently scratches my brown nipples. My panties are still on. Of course I would not completely cheat on Sir while he’s away. Panties off? Equals being obedient! At least that is what my resistant side coaxes me to believe. What would he think? If he found me laying on my king sized bed with these forbidden garments on? My wetness overcomes my guilt and I proceed to pleasure myself without permission. How I wish he was here. As I succumb to my desires, I secretly take pleasure in knowing I’ve been disobedient. I will tell Him when he returns so I can enjoy the sweet pleasurable punishment.

Thursday night. Close to my most pleasurable days off of the week. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.... I think there was a song that lalalalad about the weekend? If you remember the song  please refresh my memory. Anywho, the workday was long. Listening to cases, developing treatment plans, faxing reports, overseeing a plethora of staff, and putting out fires with a therapeutic hose can be exhausting. Dinner was basic. Four small golden potatoes, five green asparagus , three thinly slices of beef, and a partridge in a  pear tree. Oh my! I’m way to tired.... after watching the Golden State Warriors play their asses off. I begin to think about the basics. The basic food I eat. The basic lives people live and the basic needs each one of us desire. Food, shelter, love, and what else do we need? Some individuals need expensive clothes. Others need money, booshie  trips, or maybe the latest pair of red bottom heels that they believe will fulfill their basic needs. Nonetheless. The word basic can be equivalent to the word “vanilla” as defined in the sex world as plain old missionary style sex or basic can be interpreted as the basic needs of a BDSM lifestyler filled with deviant yet acceptable  sexual needs, desires, consensual control, mutual trust, submissiveness, and/or painful bliss. As all these basic interpretations run rampant in my head, I think about my own definition of basic desires. Submissiveness, allowing oneself to be free, being tied up, bondage, wonderful freedom, and sexual pain that is shared with a a trusting individual who is confident, firm yet gentle, a person that knows what I need and desires the same. For a moment I close my eyes and envision my basic yet most natural desires. My breathing becomes labored and for a moment I allow myself to indulge into my sexual BDSM fantasies but my thoughts are interrupted by the voice of the 10 o’clock newscaster on channel ten. Dammit. The Thursday news report is so basic and it’s Thursday. Goodnight! 

As I try to convince myself to get up off my loveseat after I’ve tidied up the kitchen, I begin to feel the ache in my feet from wearing those overpriced peach colored high heels. But they looked so sexy on my French manicured toes. Two simple sun kissed straps. One across my toes and the other slightly hugging my ankle. The gold little buckles accentuated what could have made for a boring pair of shoes. Although my feet ache, I somehow I revel in the pain. I still do not understand why the pain makes me feel liberated. I suppose one could perceive that as a bit sadistic? I slowly walk up my wooden stairs step by step, in no hurry. I’m quite tired today. It’s too hot to wear much tonight. Even with the air conditioner set at below freezing my neck is still moist. I slip into bed and pull my crisp light blue sheets over my body. My nipples get hard while I brush my sheet slowly over them. And there it is. The desire. The wanting. The thoughts of something, an object of my lovers choosing spanking me. My mind wanders, yet knows exactly where it is going. Thoughts of soft yet firm spankings across my breasts excites me and they harden further until I can longer pass up the chance to squeeze, turn, and pinch them. At first gently, then harder. Such sweet delight. I’m exhausted but the desire begins to call me. Taunts me. Beckons me. I blissfully take part in that forbidden calling. Lowering my hand under my peach laced panties. I move slowly at first then faster. My breathing deepens as I picture my nipples being clamped. Sweetness nears and I hear myself quietly moaning. I’m so close. As my fingers relax I feel the wetness between my legs becoming warmer. For a moment I allow myself to take part in the forbidden. How my fantasies tire me. I smile. 

Just washed my day off my face and for a moment I relish in today. This was a very very long day that was filled with the usual tasks. I unclamp my light blue laced bra slowly. Gently lowering it to the floor. My well manicured fingertip lightly flicks my brown nipples. Mmmmm. Tonight was wonderful. The cool sushi that was drenched in hot wasabi and soy sauce slid down my throat like my lovers sweetness. I love this taste. As I crawl into bed I reflect on the menu. So many choices. Or should I say his orderings. As I raise my arms upwards  and strip off my white t- shirt, I feel the moistness between my legs that begins to soak my silky pink lacy panties. I’m here for my sir. Reveling in the naughtiness of such explicit yet private desires. Aching, wanting, exploring, and submitting myself to anything. So wet. So wonderful.

I slowly slip off my two and a half inch heels from my aching pedicured feet. I love how my black soft suede strappy sandals gracefully hug me feet. First the right shoe, then the left. My feet ache but I take comfort in knowing that my arches can accommodate an individuals secret foot fetish naughty wants. I chuckle. My attire lays on my wooden floor and appears as exhausted as the one that wore them today. They are not too sexy, but not too boring. Just enough seductiveness that makes me feel secretly slutty throughout my work day, yet socially acceptable in the workforce. I slowly run my black matte colored fingernails across the softness of my fluffy white comforter. She said it would make me feel sexy and adventurous. I wondered if she ever felt the undertakings that I dream of? The sweet tortures, the loss of control that could send someone into pure climatic wonderfulness. I carefully unbutton my pants and slowly lower them to the floor. Trust me, I’m not intentionally providing myself an autonomous striptease. I’m drained and tired so I move slowly.  I look in the mirror and think to myself, “ not too bad.” As I sit on the edge of my firm yet comfortable bed, I pull off my soft satin colorful blouse over my head. For a moment I allow myself to revel in the relaxing sensations of my bed. As I let my body melt on the softness of my safeness, I begin to fantasize about my self inflicted forbidden desires. I imagine my sandals being replaced with soft leather cuffs attached to my lovers deviant yet sexually driven bars, a wall, headboard, or anything that pushes me to my limit. Allowing myself to be powerless. Willingly submitting. Giving up all control, yet still feeling safe. For just a moment I indulge in my personal forbidiness. Such sweetness! As I cum to my senses I open my eyes and I happily ambulate downstairs and pour a glass of Cabernet. I smile as I feel the wetness. It’s Friday. 

As I unwind after a long day of demanding work related telephone calls, never ending emails, putting out fires, and no lunch. I spend the evening with a close friend eating pasta with my favorite mushroom sauce. After a glass of wine and listening to my best gal friend complain about her lover, The desire sets in and for a moment I forget where a I am at. The waiter asks me if I need anything else. I want to say yes. “ Can you tie me up and deprive from having an orgasm?” But of course my Catholic and Hispanic upbringing does not allow me to say my wants. Instead like a good girl I politely respond, “ no thank you.” I arrive home and wash the day off my face. Slip into nothing but panties, slide into bed, and begin to feel the ache of  my BDSM desire. I gently trace the outline of my breasts with my fingers and then....  Fuck me running. I get an email on this site and of course I respond. 

After a long unexpected trip to Los Angeles, I unpacked my toiletries and placed them in their proper place. I neatly arrange each of my sundries according to how they will be used tomorrow. Makeup wipes, eye cream, face lotion, and my favorite serum, lip cream. I love the way the lotion feels on my full wanting lips. The moisture makes me hungry for something else. After I anally arrange my lotions and creams I walk to my bedroom and slowly unzip the tan DKNY suitcase and begin to place my clothing on soft black velvet hangers. I always overpack.  I place my soft sheer unused blouses according to color on my sturdy steel clothing rack. As a gently place each hanger, I run my finger across the cool clothing bar. I begin to envy my clothing. How wonderful to be suspended on a long bar while being gently touched. As I leaf through my clothing I imagine myself being hung by my wrists on a headboard or an apparatus of my lovers choosing. I consent to his commands as it should be. I pull my bedding down and sit quietly on the edge of my king sized bed, deeply massaging  lotion on my legs, feet, arms, and thighs. I always take care of myself, but yet continue to deprive myself of those forbidden rewards of my BDSM fantasies. When I feel safe enough I know I will experience a wonderful suspension. I’m venturing out, asking questions, allowing my mind to freely take in the BDSM experiences of others on this site. I am hopeful that one day my BDSM lover will gently yet forcefully suspend me by my wrists. 

I’m not being judgmental but after watching the Fifty Shades of whatever, I absolutely have no idea what the BDSM encounter should be like. So I will share what happened to me on this site. As I showered and made certain that every part and crevice of my body was wet and emitted fragrances of my most recent purchase of Lancôme body soap, I was very excited about answering my first DOM email. For a moment I thought I was Anastasia and that Mr Grey was going to present me with a sexy negotiable email that I could either agree upon or curl up my lip at. Instead it was a hello how are you. I cannot believe you live close to me. Now take time from your day and do as you are instructed. Of course I said I was not in agreement. Again, I’ve watched the Fifty Shades of Grey and my assumption is that BDSM tasks are consensual? So I stood my ground and limits and said NO. Needless to say the DOM said he had no time for such nonsense. Trust me I’ve cleaned up the words he used. Anywho that was my first experience on this site. what a disappointment. At the same time I say thank you to this DOM because you have taught me one thing. How I do not want to be treated. 

After a few glasses of Cabernet, wetness settled into my panties and I began my journey into the unknown to me BDSM world. I’ve had the desire for many years. When I’ve thought about ropes, leather, spankings, pleasurable pain, and otherwise unacceptable sexual desires, my Catholic upbringing kept me from exploring the BDSM side of me. I’ve participated in many ritualistic prayers, took part in small dark penance rooms where I never divulged my BDSM sins, and attended weekly catechism classes. In my opinion my past religious practices sexually excited me. Even as an adult, my religious upbringing brought me to feel ashamed of my sexual desires, so I stayed in a vanilla lifestyle. Lord, the word vanilla sounds so cliche.  I found this site a few months ago and in the beginning I would browse the site and within ten minutes, I would close my large screened Apple IPAD and felt like I should get on my knees and pray. As I got on my knees I found myself thinking about being vulnerable on my knees getting ready to be sexually punished by a strong yet trusting man. I imagined getting a slight yet firm spanking across my ass with a leather apparatus of his choosing. In my wet imagination, this was my expectation but first encounter on this site was far from this. 

As I explore the BDSM world and I say world since I have met practicing BDSM participants in various Cuntries that have shared some very sexualized and sadistic desires that have made me wet and curious to delve deeper into this culture. As I ask more questions of this against the normal societal sex grain ( whatever that means) my desire is to share the most erotic , sadistic, taboo sexual desires with anyone that takes the time to read my blog. My first online experience involves someone that lives geographically close to me. Until then....