Thus is going to be a little rant-ier than other posts. I like to keep my blogs... enlightening? Or with a question to myself, to you. Not today.
This is not my current life. Just something I was reflecting on... for Funzies. Thanks Brain.
I have been accused. Actually accused, of having no middle ground. I will be the first to "warn" you, since it seems like it is a warning, that I am all in. You can try and pick when and where. Disclosure, it won't work. That is the *warning* I suppose. If I am given a task, if I am doing a routine, if I am in a scene. I give my all.
I am not thinking about laundry with a hand around my neck up against the wall... but I am also not thinking of a hand around my throat while I am doing laundry... I am thinking about detergent, fill level, what I will do for the next 180 minutes while it finishes and making a mental note not to forget about the wet clothes...
So I am sorry that I didn't purr and moan when you pushed me over the dryer and made a seductive comment. I just wasn't there, waiting for you. You gave me a command, and like I always do, I was doing my very best at it.
Does that mean I dont want you to shove that cock into me while I am sprawled awaiting your present? Of course I do... so bad... but what it means, is maybe I need that hand around my throat, or that shift in gears, or that roughly groaned command to get me all into that focus. If you can't give me that... then maybe you should just get in, get out and let me finish measuring this detergent.
Example aside!
This is who I am. I have a kink streak that is only limited by your imagination. Yet, I get accused, that I can't give this when doing that, or can't be both.
No... I can't. That shouldn't hurt me so much to say. You know why? Because I am not thinking about my God damn grocery list while we are fucking... even if it is vanilla as fuk. I am engaged, giving my all. But when I am in "work" mode, all you want is to assume I want to be left alone, that your presence offends me... that there is a "whats wrong" somewhere in my future.
What is so hard to understand that I am giving my tasks the same attention I give you. For our homestead, for you, and because it is just who I fucking am... if you can't take me out of that head space and tell me it is time to focus on you, then maybe you are missing the whole point of control. Or maybe you are just lazy.
Or maybe it is just me...
