The Muse

(There was absolutely NO tuna consumed prior to having this dream)

Honestly, I am not sure what I ate aside from a twin package of Swiss Rolls... shhhh... those things are so bad for me!

The dream:

The setting was post-apocalyptic... dystopian.  I was wandering around this overgrown parking lot and suddenly, this fluffy, white, insanely adorable baby alpaca kept peeking out at me from behind abandoned cars.  

It played shy for a bit and then started following me.  Then I’m approached by this older willowy woman... known for raising alpacas. She told me, “That one is yours now... it’s a boy.  He’ll need a girl. You should have a pair.”

There was a time lapse and then some very weird x-rated stuff going on.... and ...it was just so weird. 

That’s all I can remember!

Yes...you read that correctly.  Although it was a crazy dream. 

I had a house full of people and my mom was there and my family...it was like a circus...’cause there was seriously...circus freaks there.

No lie.

We were all eating food, having a good time, and then a neighbor was knocking on the door.

I said "Mom...its that weird guy from down the road.”

My mom told me to tell him we had company...cause like...we did.

Lots.

I went through the kitchen, for lack of anywhere else to travel in the house, and as I passed the kitchen window...there was a dude on a camel.

A few people crowded into the kitchen to pet the camel through the window.

As did I.

But as I pet the camel...he turned into a centaur.

A sexy centaur.

A very sexy centaur covered in woad.

He started talking to me all in old English and wanted a kiss...and I was thinking,

“Dude...you're a camel.”

I must have overcome that obstacle because I woke up making kissy faces!

**The following poem may contain some old tears and snot bubbles... The words do not reflect my current jolly mood**

I cannot cry

The tears won't come

I can't feel pain

Feel joy

Feel love

I'm dead inside

The smile,it lies

All the times

I'm cold

I'm numb

You tell me words

They're from your heart

It makes me sad

Your touch

Your tears

Like a stone

I feel it now

That hollow hell

The guilt

That stare

I want to feel

But passion ebbs

That drink consumes

My tears

My care

Within that cup

I've been replaced

My heavy heart

Your choice

Your face

It burns my eyes

They're almost there

My longed for tears

Despite

Despair

Not necessarily at large... If you are reading this ... it probably does not apply to you.

but...

Dear Male Subs,

I am not a Domme. 

The end.

Sincerely,

-me-

As I updated my profile, I added a section on my education and the master’s program I was working on.  I have spent years in some of the most dysfunctional relationships and my goal is to stop the cycle.  I’ve been in and out of the lifestyle for many years and I have come to realize that BDSM provides some of the best structure for a healthy and long lasting relationship.

The emphasis on communication and honesty is paramount to my belief.  I also think that the roles we take play a large part and that, if executed properly,  there are no false pretenses or unspoken expectations that go unfulfilled.  

A good Dom/Domme puts so much of themself into caring for Their sub.  I am certain it takes tons of energy and time and often, a lot of patience.  This kind of dedication to the relationship is needed; even in the most vanilla of situations. Even when I turn down offers, I always am appreciative of the time One spends, getting to know me...beyond my picture.  

As a sub...I almost feel lazy in comparison.  Any other subs get that? Of course, I am willing to put in as much as I get and it’s always my desire to go above and beyond...

This mutual agreement between the two roles, and the willingness to “do the work”... is what makes it such a success.  (In my opinion).  

I was considering hypothesizing a theory in couples counseling based on the D/s dynamics because it just seems so valuable.  In my research, I found this article where a therapist actually has done just that!  

BDSM Therapy

I just thought I’d share! :)

Some people have a gazillion pictures of their kids... 

Now... I love my kids a great deal and had I a cell phone back when they were little... I might have a gazillion pictures of them.  

I have a gazillion pictures of my kitty cat.  So... enjoy. Because Milo is the best and I love him.  

My closet is home to many embarrassing garments.  I don’t know why I hang on to things that I know I will never wear again; much less remove from the hanger.  I have a pair of harem pants that are 10 sizes too big ... at least.  I don’t plan on growing into them. They are just so awesome that I hate to relinquish them into the world of second-hand rejects.  I also have things that are too small that I’m determined to fit myself into ... one day.  I have very few items in there (save for my gothy dancing attire)...that fit me NOW.  

I think ... (I think too much really) I think I should be kinder to my present self.  I need to clear out these garments. Maybe find something new that fits me NOW.

Because I’m in the mood to wax poetic. 

In Our Bed

There He lay

In the bed of our making

There He lay

In the garments of our love 

Where the river washes over us

And the earth beneath us quakes

And the hills and valleys dance

Across the ripples in the lakes

His light surrounds my temple

In a penetrating way

His light surrounds my soul

In His light I wish to stay

Where the river washes over us

And the earth beneath us quakes

And the hills and valleys dance

And my temple, yearning, aches

How I long to lay beside Him

With His blessing on my skin

How I long to lay beside Him

And be blessed thrice again

Where the river washes over us

And the earth beneath us moves

And the hills and valleys drink

As His blessed fountain soothes

And there He lay in that bed

Annointed with my scent

And there He lay in that bed

The blessing has been spent

After all this time

I close my eyes

Your face 

Your eyes

Staring into mine

I hold my breath

I feel so empty

The sadness

Like a slow drip

In a hollow space

The only sound

Filling the void

Sinking

To my knees

No words

As I had been

With you there

The scent of you

Still stirs me

Like no other

Every syllable

Of your name

Rolls

Through me

Like a pulse

I could cry

You gave me time

You waited

I remained

Silent

Hoping

You would see me

Through the lies

I mourn the loss

But you

Are not dead

Yet I feel joy 

As I know

You exist

And I grieve

As I cannot

Share

This joy

With you

Face to Face  by Siousxie and the Banshees 

Face to face
My lovely foe
Mouth to mouth
Raining heaven's blows
Hand on heart
Tic tac toe
Under the stars
Naked as we flow
Cheek to cheek
The bitter sweet
Commit your crime in your deadly time
Commit your crime in your deadly time
It's too divine
I want to bend
I want this bliss but something says I must resist
Another life
Another time
We're Siamese twins writhing intertwined
Face to face
No telling lies
The masks they slide to reveal a new disguise
You never can win
It's the state I'm in
This danger thrills and my conflict kills
They say follow your heart
Follow it through
But how can you
When you're split in two?
And you'll never know
You'll never know
One more kiss
Before we die
Face to face
And dream of flying
Who are you?
Who am I?
Wind in wings
Two angels falling
To die like this
With a last kiss
It's falsehood's flame
It's a crying shame
Face to face
The passions breathe
I hate to stay but then I hate to leave
And you'll never know
You'll never know