You know... sometimes we look at a picture and continue to see the same image day after day. You pass that image how many times a day and it’s the same thing... it becomes so mundane to you, you just tune it out and keep walking right on by. One day you bump it accidentally and turn to straighten it. That’s when you see it... that thing you never noticed in the image you have come to take for granted. It’s suddenly new and exciting again all because of that new unnoticed bit that changes the entire meaning for you and shows you something you never imagined.
That’s what’s happened to me recently. See for the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me... you can’t feel those feelings for this person AND that person at the same time! Or at least, that’s what my Vanilla upbringing trained my eye to see and believe. So, I never thought I was experiencing REAL love. Then, I knocked the picture of what love is to me off the wall... suddenly the answer was so clear. It’s not that I don’t feel true love and bonding on a deep emotional level. It’s that I am able to bond with more than one person on that level. My feelings towards some people reach that deep even while I am able to feel the same depth of emotional connection to/ with another or even others.
Say WHAT???!!!
Yeah! That’s right. I’m poly who the hell saw that coming? I can see several reasons for not having seen this before now, but I guess the most obvious reason is... I was still trying to hold on to that Vanilla mindset. Instead of really looking at it, I just kept walking right past the picture, having already made up my mind what that image held.
So so now I’m looking a bit closer at things... I always thought I was pretty open, but how can I claim that, if I’ve stopped examining who and what I am? Once you stop examining yourself and challenging yourself and your own beliefs and expectations, you stagnate... you get in a rut. A rut that started as an innocent track a long time ago, but through years of conformity you’ve deepened those ruts, and widened them,and dug them so deep you’ve almost buried your wheels up to the axle.
So... go ahead, walk through the house in your mind... knock some of your pictures ajar... hell knock em off the wall, see if those old ideas really are a fair representation of who and what you are. But be prepared for what you may find...
