My mind and heart are in a battle right now. The mind is the more practical and knows what I need. The heart is too much into feelings and has built a very high and tight wall around herself.
My mind says that I need to just let go and submit. I need to because it is within me. Like one of my Doms pointed out, I was born to submit. When I submit I am happier, my thoughts are very centered and my life flows so much smoother. But my heart tells me to be careful. My heart is afraid of getting hurt again. She is afraid of the hold my Dom would have on me. She’s afraid of my own neediness for my Dom. Why? It seems that I have had a bad run with Doms. I’m drawn to the wrong ones apparently. The ones who seem to disappear, ones who aren’t patient enough to wait on me needing to know them well before playing with them, or who take my hesitation as not being a good submissive.
It has occurred to me that I’m not a heart follower because if I was I would already be in a relationship with a Dom. But the heart is wanting to stay at arms length and all she wants is to just have fun, post pics, and flirt because there is no way she can get hurt that way. She wants to keep her feelings closed up and locked away. Because when a heart breaks it takes forever to heal.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
The mind knows what the heart needs.
And so the battle continues.....
