When a realization kind of smacks you in the face and it's finally not in a negative way..
Last night as I was talking to a friend of mine who is going through some problems she had asked me how I was doing. I couldn't answer her. Not because I didn't know but because she was dealing with so much I didn't want to make her feel bad that my life is "looking" up.
Then that's when I had realized, things really are going very well for me.
Usually I am riddled with stress. Wondering how I am going to get this done, pay this, figure this out. I've worked 2+ jobs at one time because life has made things very difficult for me. I have worked at my current job for 5 years, bent over backwards for a company so unappreciated it's really just disgusting. Some would say I have been through hell and back, and sure to some I have. To me, there is always others worse off then I,even in my lowest moments.
Then last night, when I wasn't able to share in my friends self pity (she really was in self pity, but she decided to be a hoe). However, I wasn't able to join in on the "well this happened.", "I don't know how I'm going to handle this." Or even, "What am I going to do?" And honestly, it was really nice.
I am not even close to where I want to be but I am finally headed in the right direction, and that is something I really can not say I have ever been.
We all make mistakes and our actions cause reactions and consequences, Mine, mostly consequences.
Because of this realization I didn't sleep well last night. (it will be a very long day for kitty) I kept thinking about all that I have to be thankful for. Perfect timing for the upcoming holiday.
1. It seems like this mood stabilizer is actually working. I have gotten some concerning news and I am able to emotionally handle it, the right way. I am starting to feel...normal again.
2. My family, they have been an amazing support system. Encouraging me to finally better myself, do what I want and not put my dreams on hold anymore.
3. My daughter, even for how much she runs down my patience, she is amazing. He dreams and goal astound me, her caring nature makes me feel like I have really done some good. She keeps taking my stuffies, we need to work on that.
4. My love, my knight in shining armor who delivers out the best naughty spankings. He is really what I am most thankful for. The choices he is making for me...It's.. I've never had someone go through so much, do so much to insure I will be okay, I will be where I need to be. He has stood by me in my darkest hours, even when I was not the nicest person, even when he should have ran away because... well my crazy came out strong. But no, he was always there. Showing me his support, his love. Him sacrificing so much for me. It's all so new to me and I am so thankful for him. Getting me out of the unappreciated company and helping me get into something that I hope to flourish in. Ad he doesn't ask anything in return from me, he doesn't have to. I give him what I can, Me. My body, heart and soul is his. I kneel for him without question. I love him without question and I care for him without question. What I can give him is in no way a comparison of what he gives me but it's a start. Every day I hope to make him proud of me, be what he wants me to be. Take away even some of his stress and show him how he should be loved and adored, how he should be served and cared for because even with out all he does for me, he deserves to feel this way.
My dream is to be able to show everyone who is here for me just how grateful I really am. That what they are doing and helping me with is not in vain. I couldn't be more happy, I couldn't feel more loved and it's nice to feel like I may actually have deserved to feel happy all along. My stormy days maybe behind me and the future looks clear and beautiful.