Firecracker Diaries - A combination of stories, random thoughts and an appreciation log of life with Daddy

Ugly...

Have you ever known people that are just ugly. I’m talking about people that for no other reason they choose to be ugly to others.

I’ve known a few in my life...and it always seems to amaze me every time I encounter one. It makes me wonder why they choose to do the things they do. To almost go out of their way to make someone else’s day miserable. To purposely cause someone else pain...despite the pain it my cause an innocent by stander or embarrassment it could cause themselves. How could you want to hurt someone so much that you would hurt everyone around you to ensure the task was done?

If you are angry or don’t like someone why would you put so much effort into them? Never mind that it’s not for a good reason...why would you waste any amount of time in them. For me...when I’m done with someone I’m done. I don’t put effort into people that are not worth my time...and I definitely don’t do anything to purposely hurt someone...

Destructive people are the worst types of people in my opinion...the kind that just want to destroy everything about you and don’t think of the people that will suffer because of it. Selfish....but karma is always there waiting to right the balance again....so beware.

Until tomorrow...

Playing Nurse....

Daddy is sick, so I get to be his nurse until he gets better.  Cuddled up on the couch watching TV...making sure he is taking his medicine when he should. Giving him food and love to make sure he gets better.

I love essential oils...so I have the diffuser going and I’ve rubbed him down in my oil concoction...hopefully he will be breathing better by tomorrow.

The weather gave us the time today to let me baby him. It was cold and I got to baby him all day...I will soak it up while I can even though I want him to feel better.

Until tomorrow....

Amazing night...

With my birthday about a month away Daddy had a early surprise for me yesterday.

He first placed a card on the table a week ago and told me I could open it Saturday morning. Then he told me we would be going out on Saturday night. Then he brought me a new dress and shoes for the special night. Each day he would give me a little hint and build up my anticipation.

Saturday morning finally came. I make Daddy his coffee and then come back to the bedroom withy card and his coffee in hand. He grants my wish to open the card. It was the sweetest card I have ever read...between the words that Hallmark captured perfectly about our love and the amazing words Daddy wrote himself...I was in tears. As Daddy held and kissed me...he said that I didn’t inspect the card throughout...so I returned to the card and found 2 tickets to Phantom of the Opera inside!!! A dream come true!!!!

I was treated to a fancy dinner, a carriage ride and a trip to the theater with the most handsome man by my side. My royal treatment was amazing and the show was amazing too. I am so blessed!!

Once home I Thanked him properly in our bedroom. It was a complete evening of firsts...and I think he enjoyed my present to him which was another first for us!

Thank you Daddy for my amazing gift and for the love you give me...

Until tomorrow

Patiently waiting....

Daddy has a surprise for me tomorrow. He has been prepping me for it all week.

First it started with a card that is on the kitchen table that has been there since Tuesday morning...I’m not allowed to open it until the morning. Then came a new dress and shoes. He purchased my outfit for tomorrow!!! Then there have been little hints that make no sense to me...all week.

This is an early birthday present. He said it was something I wanted and had to be now. Well I want a lot of things! Lol. Either way...and whatever it is...I will love it. I already feel extremely special just for all the planning he has put into it. For me...just the planning and all the forethought he puts into these blows my mind. He is the absolute best at gifts and surprises....I stress about it way to much. But he does it like it’s just second nature for him. He makes me feel so loved...I can’t express how blessed I am to have this man as my Master.

I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings...

Until tomorrow...

Sensitive...

To say I have been sensitive over the last couple of days could be an understatement. I dropped a glass the other day and it fell onto a plate and shattered everywhere...all over the completed meal I had just prepared. The glass, the plate and the dinner was destroyed...and I lost it. I little problem this morning that I caused myself...but easily fixed brought on the water works as well. A phone call that was not bad or good...brought on the tears again.

Now it is that time of the month so it does make me weepy...so I know it will pass....but another thing that has made me cry is the way Daddy has handled me over the past couple of days. He has been ultra loving and cuddles me often. He checks on me to make sure I am doing ok...and gives me kisses right when I need them the most.

Most mean would just ignore or fight with you when your moody. Not mine...he has been more affectionate and supportive right when I need him to be. He gives me more when I need it and let’s me be when I need it. He carries me through the rough moments...

He is exactly what I need all the time...and he makes me fall more in love with him daily.

Until tomorrow...

Heartbeat...

One of my favorite things is to lay on Daddy’s chest. I do this on the couch and in the bed mostly. I also have the habit of laying my head on his chest when I hug him.

Tonight I was laying with him on the couch and realized something. I am typically one of these people that don’t like to many noises at once...meaning that I can’t handle a TV going and another TV noise from another room...or a TV and a radio, etc. It really turns my brain haywire...If I’m in a place that I can’t change the multi noise around me I usually put headphones on to single it out. Anyway....as I was laying there with Daddy watching TV I find myself listening to his heartbeat and watching the TV. I’m actually listening to 2 different sounds and my brain is not hurting. Not only is my brain not hurting...I’m actually being soothed by this.

I knew that listening to his heart beating was my favorite sound in the world...but I didn’t realize until tonight that his sound can’t actually still soothe me even when I’m listening to another sound. It’s like hearing his heart beating is my center...and when I’m listening to it, nothing else matters and my heart and soul are in rhythm...and his love is making a musical keeping time with beating of his heart and it’s just for my ears.

It’s my favorite sound...and obviously the only sound that I can hear and still love no matter what else is going through my head...his heartbeat.

Until tomorrow...

Thrift Shop...

If you have never gone to shop at the thrift store...you should! It’s an experience like no other.

I could shop for hours. At the thrift store (which is huge) you can look through aisles and aisles of clothes that they already have sorted by kind and color. Do you know how awesome it is to know what color shirt you are needing and you can just shop in that color section! I don’t understand why all stores don’t merchandise like this...it makes it so super easy.  Most things I find still have tags on them...now I must preface that statement with the fact that we go to a really nice thrift store...there is another one that’s a little closer to my house and it’s not near the quality...it’s more garage sale stuff...but this one that I am referring to is amazing. You can literally find so much amazing stuff, load up a cart, pay just a little bit of money and then load up your entire trunk with loot!!

I was on a mission the other day to find a shaw for a dress that I want to wear for our date night on Saturday...which is a surprise and I have just been given instructions on what to wear...anyway we went i there to find a Shaw which I did...but also came out with 2 more pairs of boots, 2 dresses, a hat, a shirt and a tie for less than $100!!!

So don’t knock it until you try it...it’s the bomb and very addictive!!

Until tomorrow...

Support...

Support is a two way street. There is no way you should ever be on a just the receiving or giving end of support...it requires a give and take from both parties.

I know there are situations when you are giving support and it might feel like it’s one sided...and it might be for a time...but eventually the tables will turn and you will need support from someone. You need to be very aware of who gives and who just takes...and remember that the givers don’t always ask when they need support or help...so you have to watch for it.

Over time you can tell who you want to keep in your life and the ones you need to let go. The ones you keep are the ones that can ride that 2 way street with you...and want to ride it with you! You don’t want to keep it those fair weather friends...you know the ones...the ones that only come around when they need something but never are around when you need something.

I’m a giver by nature...and someone that finds it extremely difficult to ask for help when needed. Master has a very unique ability to know when I need him and when I just need his unspoken support. He has never given me a hint of hesitation of supporting me. He usually sees my need before I even realize I need it. This has been hard for me to accept but has been much appreciated over the last year. Becoming a true partner has been such a blessing for me.

I on the other hand have had to learn how to be the best support for him. He is extremely strong and as a giver you tend to want to fix things...I have learned that the best kind of support for my Master is to just be there to listen, have conversations and be there to hold his hand through it all. I don’t need to fix it...I just need to be by his side.

By his side...his ride or die...his forever and always...and he does the same for me. That’s my kind of support...

Until tomorrow....

Do you ever just stop and watch people? Or really pay attention to people’s posts? I like to people watch. I review posts daily. But I’m not much of a commenter or a person that would randomly ask a question about someone’s personal life.

I had a cousin that tried to commit suicide not to long ago. She’s young and beautiful. Has 2 beautiful kids and a good husband....and from everything I knew about her I thought everything was perfect. Little did I know she was suffering from severe depression...she had been putting on a face for everyone on the outside and not being honest with her husband about her feelings. Thankfully she is getting help...but it could have turned out much worse.

It makes me wonder how many times I should have asked if you were Ok? How many times I should have commented on that post? How many times I should have reminded you that your beautiful and smart and life of hard...but we are all here to help each other. How many times should I have looked a little longer and harder and then not been afraid to tell someone I’m concerned.

I have to try and make a difference too...

Until tomorrow....

Alone...

Ugh..Daddy has to go out of town for work....which leaves me here alone for the evening.

It’s already been a long day...I’m getting a little frustrated about not hearing back from some people about jobs. I mean when you have gone through all the steps of a process and they also make you feel like everything is good and then you get ghosted...and I have emailed and called and still nothing. I just think it’s rude to not tell me anything!!!

I’m also starting to get frustrated in the fact that nothing has panned out so far...I mean really ...I thought I was a pretty good catch! It’s a big blow to my ego and my self confidence...it’s embarrassing for me not to have something by now.

All I can do is keep trying and keeping my head up...it’s just hard.

Until tomorrow...