Away Day 14
Have you ever felt like you do and do and somehow it’s just not enough. Is that feeling due to the fact that you really aren’t doing enough or that the expectation of the recognition is overstated? Is it because as a submissive that’s the way I am built? Is it that my self esteem seems to test me relentlessly?
I’m not sure which of these are the case. This situation follows me professionally and personally. But I’m also the person that doesn’t like recognition...at least not publicly. What is wrong with my brain?
Professionally I’ve always felt that because I don’t suck up and be the person that really does nothing but is everyone’s favorite...this has made my career slow and steady...not really climbing that ladder so to speak. Even though everyone wants my opinion and me as their leader?
Personally I have always felt unwanted. Even though I am extremely confident. Most of my life I have been in some type of relationship that was unhealthy...and I didn’t even want it or him...but I didn’t want to be alone. I finally have a relationship I want...more than anything...and I doubt that I am doing the right thing for him daily. Why...I don’t know!!
Trying to be perfect for work, for home, for family and for him...a perfectionist is never really finished or 100% happy with whatever...but a submissive seeks the approval and the feeling of being owned.
I want to make sure that I am doing everything my Master demands of me. I don’t like the feeling that I am disappointing him in anyway.
I’m am committing to some more detailed rules that I am hoping will complete some of my feeling that I’m not doing enough for him. I am also committed to doing some more for my self esteem...doing some more me appreciating and training my brain to be happy with me...the imperfections and all.
Until tomorrow....