I know it sounds strange to have the first post titled Day 8...but this is Day 8 of 20 that I have to be away from Sir. I have been writing in a Journal to him since day 1. He recently added a daily blog to my rules...so I found this forum to post.
My Master works away for 20 days a month which leaves me alone without him. We recently entered into this relationship and I am new to the collared life...so learning without him here with me is extremely hard.
In my previous life everything was extremely vanilla and submission to anything was unheard of to me. Submissive anything is just was not anything that I felt until he came along. I mean I might have liked things a little rough sometimes....but that was just a moment in the bedroom...nothing else.
Daddy has changed everything without "doing" anything. I immediately felt submissive to him...even though I pursued him. When we finally got together...within an extremely fast amount of time I felt the urge to be owned by him...to give him my everything. That feeling has not stopped...and even though he is away from me...that feeling grows stronger. All I want to do is serve him...
The amount of pain I feel that he is away from me is more that just emotional. How can I experience actual pain from his absence? IDK?? but I do!! My heart hurts the most...and I will have periods of time where tears just run down my face...it just happens. Its hard for me to express that him...even when he wants me to be honest with him and express my feelings verbally all the time...I don't think he knows what to do about this...and neither do I. Its just going to take time...and learning how to be apart and be a good slave and worship him from a far.
I look forward to the end of day 20...so I can be rewarded with his touch, his kiss, his hands on my body...How do I show him/earn this reward when he is so far away?? I do I prove my worthiness of his affection when I can't touch him?
Learning and being lead by him is showing me more...and having him guide me to control these feelings helps me...I hope I make him proud. We shall see...
Until tomorrow...