I didn't blog yesterday after I was granted permission for a buy day...as I wanted to spend out last hours together. We were able to have another great day together...The last day is always bitter sweet as we do get to spend time together...he also has to prepare to go.
It was a little different this time because I also got to prepare to go...as I will join him in 5 days. So this goodbye will be short...and for that I am thankful. I couldn't bare the thought of him spending the holidays alone...again...so I will be with him for most of his 20 days out!!
We spent the day preparing to go...alot of it focused on me since this will be the first time I will be in an area that is cold...he had to help me with what to pack. We then enjoyed a wonderful dinner and spent time opening Christmas presents!
We cuddled and made love....and held each other all night long.
In the morning we get ready and head to the airport. I walk with him inside, I follow him through check-in and stay with him until I can't. He kisses me and reminds me it's only 5 days...as I am sure he can see the panic in my eyes. I walk back to the vehicle and have to sit inside for a minute and just cry. Even though I know its only 5 days....its still hard.
I come home and wonder around for a while not knowing what to do...cry a little more....and finally get myself together and start focusing on the next 5 days. I will be busy with family and activites....so it should go fast!! I enjoyed a mani/pedi and then played with some of my new gifts! I also organized my outfits for the upcoming days!
I know this all sounds mundane to alot of you...and to my old self I would have rolled my eyes...but now it's totally different. Being a submissive and giving myself completely to him is more that just love....it's almost like a "reboot" when he leaves...it feels like I'm on pause without him here. It takes me a minute to just get myself to a point to know what to do...like how do I function without him. I would have never thought it would be like this...I would have never dreamed it would be so magical and unreal...and at the same time so extremely painful to be without him. I would not change it for the world...but it is hard to explain and probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
Just a few more days and I will be reconnected to my heart again...fingers are crossed for easy flights and great weather on Christmas Day to get me back to him safely!
Until tomorrow....