Day 1 of him gone is still not any easier...even knowing that I will be with him again in 3.5 days. It’s hard...and it makes your mind go crazy... jealousy and doubt sneek in for no reason.
These days at the beginning of him being gone are the hardest for me. It’s like the evil parts of my mind boil up....make me doubt myself, makes me doubt how he feels about me, jealous thoughts and selfishness arise. I try hard to not show any of this to him because it’s not real...none of it...it’s ghosts coming to haunt my mind. Sometimes I even think it’s my subconscious trying to sabotage my happiness...you know how your mind tries to play tricks on you to protect you from what it’s use to happening...and take away what your loving the most at the moment and take you back to loneliness.
I just want to be back with him....and have a normal brain. Lol
But for now my mind is racing and I need to get some sleep and turn it off.
Until tomorrow...
