Calming music on.. Clock says 2 am finally lay head on pillow and as my mind drifts eyes closed. Focusing on calming music ..drift off .
vision of a backyard sunshine thru the trees. Warmth soft giggles child's laugh as that child looks at the wind chimes, focus in on her eyes how they light up . freckles .. Brush strokes across construction paper ,small hands dipped in paint stroke the paper in time with the brush strokes. Grass painted green,horse brown, fingerpainted flowers. Laughter..
Hands braiding long brown hair, white babies breath these adult hands make a crown that sits on top of brown curls. Faces one older maternal one of a child laying looking up at the trees wind chimes.. Innocence lost, fear in the pit of my stomach..
Binding again and again deep blue ribbon around and around encircling the innocence lost. thicker and thicker the ribbon wraps more colors more layers.
Sadness.. demons to comfort that which is buried to keep safe buried. Let nothing close nothing in.
Compartments, boxes of emotions,feelings go placed organized, tears upon tears those unseen, the mortar that holds the boxes together stacked upon one another shielding that which is wound tight protected by the demons buried by the talons of pain suppressing deeper.
Cracks in places of this wall of boxes, allow small peering of sunshine thru. That which caressed and made all things soft and kind on the other side of the wall over time warm and loosen the bindings of ribbon.
His voice strong, safe, calming let me see you... With patience, time softness, protection.. Helpless without Him.. His support.. His guidance it begins
Demons bury deeper avoid the light keep you protected.
Crashing down deep painful breath in imperfect broken boxes just the top layer painful sob. Tear deeper, hand pulls out each broken box, used , hurt, beat up edges.
All this... Breathe it is time. To much darkness demons growl digging talons In deeper
Fear self doubt taunting no courage .. Holes where once there was a solid wall. Some may see a mess. Masks worn over years ripped away.
Hands on eyes afraid to look in mirror.
Like the light that softly pierced thru the wall of boxes full of feelings and pain and self doubt now shows thru fingers covering eyes.
I look and see a blank canvas with frayed edges. His canvas
Deep breath..
