I'm relatively new to all of this, even though, I've known most of my life I was into BDSM (off course I didn't know that specifically as a child). I'm experiencing a lot of different and some rather conflicting feelings, I find it hard to navigate through. So a little background info:
I'm a very independent, proud, stubborn, confident and strong woman in my vanillalife. I have gone through hell and fought my way back a number of times, which have made me who I am today. Especially last year changed me and made me harder. I am a fighter. This completely crashes with my desire to be a good submissive and make me either act bratty or when I give In, makes me confused, sometimes scared or even feeling shame.
My relationship with my Master is rather new. Started out online and ended up with us meeting. We have only met 4 times, so it is very new, but every time we have met, have changed me immensely. We talk every day. He is amazing, very patient and intelligent. I trust him. Still I have a hard time with myself and the conflict between the woman I have become in my vanillalife, which I like, I want to be that powerful woman out in the world and my burning desire to be a good, obedient sub, who can let go and make her Master proud.
Does anyone struggle with the same or have thoughts on it?
******* this post is from fet and i have posted it in its entirety. it was deleated by an over zealous mod but the reason why i have stolen it ha ha....and posted it here is because except for the fact my Sir was very experienced this post could have been written by me.
i thought my story at that point was unique but i have now seen that any one of you and those to come could say the same things.
as i am preparing to take my first away vacation in over 2 years to go and spend a week with Sir celebrating our birthdays and Halloween and Nevada's entrance into the union the above post really hits my heart. it reminds me about my beginnings in bdsm and where i was as i struggled to find my way through long term abuse and then a very fresh divorce.
i dont consider myself to be able to mentor anyone but i have reached out to the woman who wrote that post as i would offer to help most of you. those of you whom i have helped know that. and i stand committed to continue to help others that find their way here.
this is my last work morning until i grace an airplane with my presence. i always love when i get to vegas and see the first palm tree. i just love those things.
this trip i am job hunting so that i can eventually move and live in vegas. the other reason this trip is exciting is that there is a poly womens meeting by one of the local groups happening and i have graciously been invited to join them.
so the above post shows that my beginnings were not as smooth as my road seems at this time. but with hard work and determination and a boat load of stubbornness Sir tells me....the way can smooth out ahead for you.
if i post nothing else before i leave which my butterflies are starting so really buckle up......i look forward to returning with pictures and stories to share.
mwah my friends
Silllllllllllllllber lol