The way it is.

ZaftigV​(switch female){sub matt} - I only spent about 6 months on vanilla dating apps last summer. At first I made no mention of poly or kink on my profile and I had the same thoughts as you. I would put it out after a good message exchange and was often ghosted. Lol So, I found it worked better for me to put it in my profile. No need for details just a mention. I did meet my lovie friend on a vanilla app. However, it was tiresome and I deleted them. Hope this helps somehow. Good luck!!

Lotus​(sub female) - Thanks for the advice 🙂and and all advice is helpful!

Hislittlegenie​(sub female){MB123} - I actually met two different doms on a vanilla website. Both were clear in their profile that they were looking for willing subs. Neither one worked out for me but everyone was clear on what they wanted from the start.

Lotus​(sub female) - That’s awesome that they had it on their profile. I am more reserved by nature and I am not warming up to the idea of putting it in my profile, but maybe further down the road I will change my mind.

Madd Hatter​(dom male) - I've been with my wife for 15 years and bdsm has only recentlt been practiced the last 3. I know for me vanilla sex just didnt cut it, like eating a skittle when you're starved to death. Bdsm fed me, fed us. ... enough about me were here for you.

2 ways to go about it.
1st have vanilla sex and start slow blindfolds, spankings whispering "tell me what you want me to do" very arousing to hear but not enough to perk a brow. It helps people get in touch with the inner dom. From that experience start a dialogue did you like it? We could do more.... I have done some things....

2.
Flat out after a few libations to lose inhibitions mention you enjoy bdsm. Since the release of that boring 50 shades book bdsm isn't so taboo any more.

Lotus​(sub female) - Great ideas, thanks!!!

ZoomOut - I’ve met a surprising amount of non vanilla men on dating apps. Some have it in their profile and some don’t. And some others I’ve tested the waters with as far as introducing to toys on a gentle basis. I’m not comfortable putting that on mine because I have face pictures and because of my profession.

Lotus​(sub female) - Awesome, that is encouraging! I believe more people are closeted about their interests in Bdsm than we think. For many reasons, fear, shame, confusion, the list goes on. I was once that way. So glad I found a site such as this where we can talk openly 😊

HGB​(sub female){Scottish M} - Everyone said what i was going to say. Yet my first thought was nnnnoooooooooo.
Good luck

Bunnie - Perhaps an option is... rather than stating outright that you’re submissive, you could use phrases like “prefer a more traditional role in a relationship” or “like a man who can take charge,” etc etc. This will help to at least attract the characteristics that you may be looking for in someone, and then you can go from there.

Lotus​(sub female) - I like the subtlety of these phrases. Thank you!

Literate Lycan​(dom male) - If you wouldn't mind one more opinion, I am in agreement with the thoughts above. If you are comfortable with the world knowing your interests across the spectrum and it won't impact your full lifestyle, then adding them on a vanilla site might work. Otherwise, I'd leave them off for a more intimate setting for discovery. I would also lean towards feeling out any individuals you might engage with, and determining if they have the personality and fortitude to be what you need. If they seem to meet certain needs in their mannerisms and personality, bring it up. If you don't feel comfortable broaching the topic with someone after chatting with them and getting to know them, that is probably the first indicator a more intense relationship (read that as BDSM) might not be a grand idea.

I was introduced to this years ago when a friend broached the topic subtly. We had been chatting and just talking and becoming friends - with quite literally nothing else in my mind. She simply stated she felt I was quite a comfortable dominant. Not wanting to appear ignorant, I of course replied, "Yes I am . . . um, exactly what do you mean?" She began to slowly and openly explain and I was introduced to . . . all of this. As we discussed more, and she felt more comfortable, I understood more and I found out where I stand and it opened up more of who I am.

Good luck.

Lotus​(sub female) - Thank you for the ideas and also sharing your personal experience. 🙂

Lotus​(sub female) - Update...I’m excited to report that I sent a guy I’m interested in (found him on an app) a message that was direct about what type of sexual relationship I’m interested in and also asking if he was familiar with D/s. He messaged back that he was not familiar with it BUT willing and open to try it if we meet and have chemistry. 👍🏻Soo..I’m thinking I’ll discuss it a little further with him via text and perhaps send a few links that I find informative and helpful. Then meet and hopefully, HOPEFULLY get what I have been waiting for do Far farrrrr FAR too long! 🤞🤞