Here's to a healthy and happy return to this; an environment that inspires all types of feelings and harbors all kinds of intentions.
I stepped away for a little while after entering into some conversations that didn't turn out the way either party had envisioned. While I appreciate the discourse, there was a lot left to be desired (from both parties, I am sure.)
While away, I spoke at length with the person who led me to this lifestyle. I was able to ask him the kinds of questions I wish I would have asked straight away.
The most important take away from all of it was this: exclusivity means more to me than it does many other potential partners. When I give, I give completely. I find myself wanting to share not only my lust, but pieces of me, of myself that I give to no one else.
Now don't get me wrong, I came to this forum for a reason, a very sensual and lascivious reason. There are positions and roles that I long for, I want to be taken and controlled and instructed. But I also want to be cultivated, cared for, and appreciated more than any other thing. I understand that this is a delicate balance, and both sides have to be earned through trust, cooperation and, above all, communication.
I understand now that my profile may be misleading. I am not an easy case to crack. I require daily care, compassion, and the same kind of patience that you (or whomever) would ask of me.
So... if you've made it here, this is my offer:
In exchange for my devotion I ask for yours. While I submit to only you, I ask that you enrich and develop only me.
In exchange for my time and attention I would ask for yours. Understand that there are times when your [please, name me, Sir] may need you. Each time that you call upon me I will answer dutifully. Please, please don't make me beg for your attention unless it is a refined method of yours.
In exchange for my willingness and dedication in title and role I ask for intuition and deliberation in yours. I can promise that I will fulfill my end of the bargain, I am loyal to a fault. I want you to be mindful in yours.
It seems like a lot after I write it.
Maybe it is. But what I offer is also something of great value.
It's with these thoughts that I write tonight. Again I find the familiar cravings and yearnings to be be instructed, to beg and to feel sensation take over my body. And again, I have to remind myself inside that body is a mind and a heart which very much need to feel appreciated and respected.
What a strange balance.
After my first two weeks here I have seen a myriad of intention. I have not actively sought out many conversations of my own, but I was ready to respond to just about any inquiry sent my way. To those of you whom I spoke with, thank you for your time. It's time that will never come back to either of us. However, there are obviously things that shouldnt be forced. If we stopped talking our intentions didn't align. I am trying to be as transparent as I can here, as honest and as willing as I can be. Please don't come to me with only crude or distasteful intentions. Let's get to know each other first...😉😘
If there is any insight anyone can offer, I am open to discuss these thoughts. Again, note that I am a novice in the community. My intentions and desires are becoming more clear with each pass, but I fear that without interaction I will learn nothing.
Cheers.
Obligatory post script
I am updating my profile to include the following words/phrases: confused, novice, INFP, dreamer, schemer. Also, I would have chosen The Opera Ghost over Raul any day.
