My journey

Everyone is happy and content when Daddy is home, including this little girl.

Because of our weather his work is on hold. So he got to come after all. ❤️❤️❤️

I'm sore all over and loving every second of it. We moved forward in instruction last night and stepped up my submission. I trust him so much that there wasn't an ounce of fear, hesitation or anxiety. I felt nothing but a deeper level of calm. Daddy loved the sexy look of his leather around my neck and I felt sexier under his gaze and touch.

One step at a time, one step closer to each other. I love you Daddy.

This week has been rough.

Daddy came back and we are working thru things. Which I'm happy about!! But we still have a lot of things to talk about and haven't had an opportunity to yet. I just can't feel settled until we do. But that's just the beginning of last week.

Then, old friends from back home lost their 17 year old daughter in an accident. They are only a few years older than me. I used to be around them a lot. I knew their daughter from infant to four or so. She's only a year older than my oldest. As a parent of a teen, this REALLY hit me. That friends my age lost their daughter. 

Then, there was the dog emergency yesterday that prevented Daddy from being here.

Followed by, my phone blowing up last night because one of my friends was feet away from a shooting last night. 

I just want a hug. And Daddys hand around my neck. Grounding and centering me. But I'm making due with my own strength and determination.

Last week is in the past. I'm moving into this week with a good book and delicious coffee. 😉

Last week is just a blip on the bigger picture. I'm just glad it's over and it's a new day.

I'm snuggled up in his warm fuzzy jacket right now, drinking my lemon water.

He's coming today ... 

Weeks without him.

Without his touch. 

There will always be ups and downs, in anything in life. 

I know we can work this out. 

This song ...

There are parts to adore, to treasure, to love, to hold close and dear.

We all have flaws. At times there will be things, we shouldn't focus on the negative. The song says "there's certain things that I ignore" ... I don't ignore. But I don't take stock either. 

As two people grow together, they will find strengths in different areas. As partners it's our job, to use our strengths to the benefit of both. Not to exploit the weakness. It takes honest effort. It takes a level head, to take the time to listen and understand. To explain. 

I'm thankful for this opportunity. Because we were too good to end for nothing. 

Will it make sense if I say I'm on a guarded happy high? 

Sometimes the unexpected happens and you want to jump up and down because it's what you wanted in the first place ... But you don't, because you don't want to rock the boat that much yet, in your happy buzz.

This is a time to keep my level, logical, understanding, contemplating, forgiving, loving, wits about me.

This is a time for reflection. For clear plans. For continued goals.

The happy party will need to stay in my head for the time being. 

I LOVE this comedian!!!!!

Sometimes we get in our own way. Loving this new song.

I let my emotions out thru music. Loud and singing along.

This song helped me months ago. I always enjoy singing them even after they've served their original purpose. And sometimes they take on a new different meaning. 

I took a bath and now this is cranked loud on repeat ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Music and baths are my go to's. 

So crank it up, dance and let your worries go. 💋💋

I woke up feeling retrospective and shoved it aside ...

I had two out of five kids sick ... A dog that was puking blue, because someone left a school Valentine out ... My first day at a new job ... Stressors of being the single adult and pulling that weight (for almost 6 years now, fuck) ... 

My day at work was great!! I LOVE IT!!! (Full time nanny for infant twins) Not stressful at all. It made me so happy!! You'd think after five of my own I'd be over the baby thing. But I wanted eight kids in all and I still get upset occasionally that my life didn't go as planned. 

My kids are over at their Dads now. The house is quiet. This weekend did have some plans that I was so excited about. Had things worked out, I'd be all cozied up in front of a fire, at a lodge in Yosemite. I've never been and I was so excited to go.

But life didn't go as planned, yet again.

The end of relationships are never easy. It's been almost a month ... I think the hard part is that, everything was fine. But a job opportunity roared in one day and it was too good for him to pass up. Our relationship was too new, only four months. I'm not about to stand in the way of an important career move. There was no fighting, no unkind words. I just graciously encouraged him to make the decision that was best for him, and he did. He leaves for Canada soon. We still check up on each other. Just a quick chat here and there. 

I'm rambling ...

I know what I want. What I deserve. What I have to offer. Sometimes it just doesn't make it any easier to swallow. But no one is going to do it for me, so I hold my head high. I smile. I do not only what is required but more. 

The saying, "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

I know I'm beautiful. And I know many of you are too. I see it everyday here. Sharing happiness, something funny, wisdom, advice. I see people reaching out to each other in times of sadness and difficulty. 

I know I can come here and see something that will make me smile, laugh, or bust out a toy 🤣🤣 

I'm sad a little, yes. Stressed, always. But everyday I become more and more thankful of this site and all you amazing kittens and Sirs. So thank you for all your posts. The good and the not so good. It's good to know that life is just as real for everyone. I loves ya all!! 💋💋