What I didn't know was that I needed a Dom.
By my very nature I am 100% submissive. I long to submit and please. I long to give, not hold back and trust completely. I have explained this in many different ways over the last five years to many people. But no one quite understood. In a world of new age thinking and feminist ideals, I was often left feeling odd and "born in the wrong era."
I stumbled upon this site after a Google search, lolol. I figured they have dating sites for everything else, there's got to be something out there for people that are like minded. And behold, The Cage.
After stumbling upon The Cage I also happened to stumble upon my first basic experience with a Dom in person. He actually understood to a deeper degree, than previous partners, what I was looking for. (I did not find him here, but another dating site that I am on.)
In text and phone conversations he joked with me that I would call him Daddy. I laughed and said, no. I already have a Daddy that I love, have a close connection and bond to and I don't need another one. Mines just fine and I don't have Daddy issues.
I was both wrong and right. I have a Daddy and no Daddy issues. But during our first night I was indeed calling him Daddy. It was a little weird at first. But not for long. I loved calling him Daddy in private, as he requested.
He commanded me in the bedroom and I LOVED that!!! He would tell me what to do, give me a few moments when needed, "to wrap my pretty little head around that." Usually for me this was turning off the voice in my head, taking a breathe, trusting in him and immediately complying.
On occasion he would take the time to explain why, because I'd never experienced this kind of relationship before and he wanted me to know I was safe, he wasn't going to hurt me, and that I could ask a question if I didn't understand.
Often times I would cry because I lock all of my emotions up. And it completely devastated me to disappoint. I don't ever want to disappoint. There were times when I would seek him out to let him know I needed a "tune-up." I needed the physical, intimate reminder that he was in control. This also, always made me cry, but in a completely good healing way. Rarely during, but always after. It's something that I realized I need. That physical intimate bonding that he's in control and that I'm taken care of and safe.
My desire was to be collared with a descreate day collar. A physical, touchable, viewable adornment on my body. One that I would cherish as the symbol of belonging to him. One that my children, family, co-workers, etc. would see as a pretty choker. And one that would stand out and shine bright to anyone in the lifestyle.
I desire above all else to surrender completely to my Dom/Masters care. Now my quest is to find him.