My name is Melissa Lea. My friends call me Meli. Melissa means honeybee in Greek, and Lea means meadow in English. This had nothing to do with why I am Melissa Lea, but it I love to learn and the fun is in the details. I was named Melissa after a song called 'Sweet Melissa' by the Allman Brothers Band. My middle name, Lea, comes from my grandmother.
My mother and father lived together until I was 6, then separated, but because my mother was Catholic, neither one of them ever pursued a divorce. My mother got with a guy who abused her for several years, and abused us children physically and mentally, however, he was more present than my biological father, who was a musician and worked, and so was never available at that time.
After enduring years of physical abuse and having a child with this man, she removed him from the home, took him to court to get temporary custody of my brother (he refused to let my mother see my brother) , and got an order of protection against him. He had a .22 rifle and 3 days later broke the order of protection and shot and killed my mother, shot her boyfriend 6 times, and shot me as I ran away (in my right buttocks).
This has obviously had a profound effect on my life. My brothers and I moved in with our father and his other daughters and I became the domestic head of the household, made to cook, clean, and raise my siblings (I am the oldest of many), so I did not have the luxury of a normal childhood, and did my best to shield my younger siblings from years of abuse and neglect.
As a young woman, I had anxiety talking to people, could never get myself to ask anyone on a date (was asked a few times, and not knowing how to respond, acted repulsed). I guess you could say I was one of the weird kids, and I found an escape by being an excellent student, both academically, and with my extra-curricular activities. I joined the choir, theatre, debate, and honor society (for good grades), and I am proud I was able to overcome my anxiety to be able to express myself through music and drama. I was a member of the International Thespian Society, and won an award in high school for my performance in the musical Cats. I received very good grades, learned Spanish, and was well known among the singers in my school.
I married a man when I was 24 (he is the same age), we separated in 2012, and I met my Master in 2013, online. He is 24, 14 years younger than I am. I am the only female in my house.
Because I love to learn, there are so many things I am interested in and that I love. I absolutely love music. My family has several generations of musicians on my father's side, and I love to sing. I sung for people in bars, wineries, family get togethers, at school, in church…and I sing even at home by myself in my daily activities. I can't really explain it but singing and feeling the emotions of music is very cathartic and sometimes spiritual and sexual for me.
I love food. I was taught to cook very young, and I love it. I like learning new dishes, experimenting with my own, and teaching my kids about food and food culture. Among my favorite things to cook/eat are Hispanic food(mexicano: tacos, paella, menudo, puertoriqueno: sofrito, chicarrones, plantanos fritos), Korean food(bulgogi, kimchi, bimbimbap), Japanese food(sushi, udon, ramen), and Italian food(pasta con broccoli, chicken speidini, alfredo).
I am a nerd. I really enjoy reading books. My favorite book is Talisman by Stephen King. I have read many books, including the Bible, and I love to read Wikipedia. Other authors I love include Harper Lee, Alduous Huxley, Kurt Vonnegut, Edgar Alan Poe; and I absolutely adore Emily Dickinson.
I am very intellectual, and love science - physics, astronomy, biology, psychology, and evolution. I have many interesting theories about the origin of the universe, the shape and form of a possible multiverse, quantum physics and string theory. Among my mentors are Albert Einstein(obviously), Carl Sagan, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Ray Kurzwieil, and Bill Bryson.
I also believe in God, and I am sometimes consumed with discovering his existence through the science of the multiverse. I follow the actions of Christ and somewhat of the dharma, however I am NOTHING like an average American Christian. I suggest Googling 'Progressive Christianity' to find out a bit about my beliefs. I like studying things like the Omega Point, technological singularity theory, and string theory. I have also read a bit of the dharma and Buddhism has helped me a little with what happened to me when I was younger. I must move on, or I fear my essay will be too long to be a pleasant read. I will admit I love to listen to the speeches of Bishop Michael Bruce Curry of the Episcopal Church.
I love asian culture. I am into anime; kawaii, yandere, and aheago, demon kin, wolfkin, as far as hentai goes. I have a love for Korean culture as well (K-pop, K-hip-Hop, Webtoons, Korean horror films). I am very turned on by the darker side of asian sexuality. My favorite anime is Ancient Magus Bride.
Ok, now to talk about my fantasies. Nonsexually, I often love the draw of nature and solitude and one of my fantasies to to live in the woods(preferably), or on an island or mountain, and be able to be naked, live off the land, learn from the earth, and not have to conform to the structures of human society. I often have fantasies of having conversations with really smart people, be it someone like Bill Bryson, Carl Sagan, Kepler, among others. I fantasize also about being able to live in space, I guess also from a solitude, naked, free and unconformed standpoint.
Sexually I have many fantasies, some simple and some complex. I have a fantasy of being taken by two men at the same time, along with fantasies about my friends. I often bond with people very deeply and find that I am sexually attracted to some of them over time.
I love primal. I want to be hunted down, captured, claimed, and submit to captivity. I love pretending I am a wolf puppy, kitten, fox/kitsune, and would love act out more animalistic fantasies. I also enjoy being hunted mentally, or I guess you could say having my brain piqued over. I find extreme pleasure in knowing someone is curious about what is going on with me mentally or physically. I love for a partner to be immersed in me. I don't like to call it clingy, I like demisexual, but maybe it is. I just want to feel bonds so strong they permeate everything in my existence. That is how fiercely I feel things, like passion, love, anger, and devotion.
I am a demi/sapio-sexual. I often find myself turned on by someone displaying their intelligence. I am very intellectual and I find it very hot when someone's brain digs into information the way mine does. It makes me feel like we are connected on a surreal telepathic level. It's even more intense when I can have a conversation with that person and they use the words I have in my head about a certain subject.
I am and yearn to be a 24/7 submissive. My Daddy is devoted, but young, and always learning and applying our D/s dynamic not only to the carnal aspect of the lifestyle, but the mental and pragmatic part of our lives as well. I love to be fulfilled by it, and learn. I love learning as much as I can, as it just brings new discoveries and new fantasies.
I am a masochist. I would love to sit here and tell you that I am a normal person(no I wouldn't), that there is nothing dark in my brain, but I have very intrusive, yandere thoughts about love and sex sometimes. I lick my own blood when I get a small wound, and I sometimes self harm. I have been going years without getting proper mental help for my past traumas (however I am seeing professionals now). However apart from the pain that comes from the self harm, I love to be punished and set free from the dysphoria my brain puts me through. Pain covers up anger. Pain can cover up sorrow and grief. Pain can even overwhelm fear. I deal with a massive amount of paranoia and trust issues and the pain of my own brain demands consistency, participation, empathy, commitment, and honest (trust) from my dom. I like being scratched, spanked, slapped, gagged, all of it.
Mentally, I am aroused by intelligence, music, literature, and having someone chase/hunt/claim me mentally, as well as physically. I love eye contact, being told what to do, being understood, disciplined (this requires an emotional commitment, and is why I want to establish this relationship a bit methodically so as not to unnecessarily create self doubt and anxiety). I love degradation (done intelligently/fiercely) and sadism: I yearn for the perfect combination of Sadist/Daddy.
I like ageplay. I love to feel younger than I am. I don't baby talk per se, but I do have a youngish way of submitting verbally and physically, so as to feel like a youthful, innocent, pure yet defiled thing. I in NO WAY condone pedophilia. I simply love feeling the freedom of innocence (or for that matter reinforcing to my Dom that HE is in control and owns my very existence).
I love bondage, ropeplay, dubious consent/non-consent/primal prey. Overall though, I am very sexually needy.I like to be told what to do and love it when decisions are made for me or with me. I love the feeling of being inferior/protected and owned by someone. I have a nerdy kink when it comes to Alphas. I love Wolves! I also like tigers, bears, foxes and forest flora (Oh how I love to be among the trees!) and fauna (deer, rabbits, owls <3). I love Luna! She is so beautiful at night! <3 I am quite nocturnal, and carnal. I love being an Omega. I love being bred, bitten, scratched, clawed/pawed. I love being growled at and hearing my Alpha's breath on me and feeling the heat and sensation of his breath on me. I love how animalistic he is in all his ways! The sounds, the smells and tastes. I love the fantasy of animal-demon kin, and so does my Alpha. and so while this nerdy stuff may not seem like a kink to the general kinkster, the Alphas, Betas, and Omegas will understand.
Ok last part. When I was young, I thought bdsm was just weird. I didn't understand it, I had body issues and didn't understand how pain was pleasurable to anyone (yet I chewed my nails and would bite my mouth, I have an oral complex), I just hadn't discovered it about myself at the time. I married a vanilla guy, and either because he didn't want to or I just couldn't communicate it he never pursued a bdsm lifestyle with me.
Now BDSM is applicable to several facets of my life. I have endured trauma, and have ptsd, so BDSM allows me to free my brain of anxiety and worry, and submit to a life of not having to make so many damned decisions. I was thrust into a life of being a caretaker for everyone even as an adult and am learning ways to self care. It can distract me from the inevitable negative thought patterns my anxiety and paranoia drives me into…and since I am intelligent and prone to fast thoughts being alone in my brain is seldom ever a good thing.
I also feel like I have this artfully classic and flawed but beautiful body and personality that I want someone to feel happy by being around. I have a need to feel needed. I have a need to feel like an old soul with a perverted sense of humor, a dark, vulgar, sophisticated woman, desirable to men on a different level. I hope you can get my idea.
I know that there are many things I am going to think of later and wished I had put into this essay, but there is time to talk about things and discover more.
I fall in love with the 'auras' of people if I spend enough time with them and they are a part of my tribe/pack. I always tell my master when I have any attraction or feelings towards people, but at first I thought it wasn't normal and I felt guilty. Daddy has reminded me of how much capacity I have to love the world a million times over, and I love him for that.
We did have a polyfidelity driven triad relationship, however it didn't work out. But it is something we have been through. I keep a small circle of friends, and I usually find that I am mentally, or physically attracted to them at one point or another, with amorous feelings of love and sacrifice. I guess it could be the submissive in me and the want to feel ultimate love and ownership, or the loyalty that comes with having less friends. As a dear friend stated, quality over quantity. It comes with its own unique set of rewards and emotions, and fuck ups.
I am forever blessed to be my Alpha's muse, and eternally hungry for his poetic, linguistic elucidations of the inner workings of my soul and our lives, and I love to be his story teller, his bard, a songbird to soothe him to sleep and inspire him to fly. No matter the fires and chaos of our dark life, our interwoven souls never budge from the core of the other.
The heat created from the physical realm of our bodies when we are one feels like a blaze so hot, forged with a love so sultry and hot it came from the very heart of Shakuru. Every smell and taste of my Wolf unbridles a new and undiscovered craving not yet explored, indulged, satisfied. Every touch setting off the beginning of waves of charged electricity, turning my thoughts and feelings into a frenzy of sweaty bliss. Knowing my Alpha wants to consume me voraciously sends me into a euphoria so intense I see new galaxies form from inside, feel the heat of nebulae as the power of Luna overtakes my Master and he takes what is his until he is satisfied with enough of the taste of the iron in my blood, the salt of my tears and the pheromones of my sweat and juices of my pussy, edging countless times until I am no longer sapient; no numbers, only primal senses, only his omega. Sounds, smells, tastes, and the sheer mortal desire to hunt, breed, kill, feed.
There, now you have a peek into my universe and my somewhat mediochre yet sincere attempt at writing, and a taste of how utterly crazy I am. Any members of our pack out there??
