Meli's Thoughts

If You Were Coming in the Fall

by Emily Dickinson <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you were coming in the Fall,

I'd brush the Summer by

With half a smile, and half a spurn,

As Housewives do, a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,

I'd wind the months in balls---

And put them each in separate Drawers,

For fear the numbers fuse---

If only Centuries, delayed,

I'd count them on my Hand,

Subtracting, til my fingers dropped

Into Van Dieman's Land,

If certain, when this life was out---

That yours and mine, should be

I'd toss it yonder, like a Rind,

And take Eternity---

But, now, uncertain of the length

Of this, that is between,

It goads me, like the Goblin Bee---

That will not state--- its sting.

~I feel like the last sentence needs an exclamation point. The curse of a demisexual. <3~

~Meli~

What does Demisexual mean?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with.

In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

It seems as if the sexual world as a whole has a problem understanding this concept. Guess what spectrum demisexuals are on? The ASEXUAL spectrum. How?

Read the above fucking words. I have lurked on this site to avoid people who can't understand nor be trusted to give a fuck about my sexuality. I'm sure there are others like me here.

We exist. No we don't want to see your fucking nudes. No, we don't want to fuck you after one conversation. No we aren't going to just be able to cum to your empty soul commands.

Does anyone in this community identify with me?

I don’t think people understand. Would you tell a gay person to fuck the opposite sex? No? Then why can't you understand demisexuality?

I’m gonna vent about this until it's understood. Thanks if you read this far. <3

P.S. Hello people I haven't seen in a while. <3

Hello fine Cage people,

I've been lurking around the site the past few days because I've been gone a bit and miss the site and the people. I miss writing, getting feedback, and having discussions with people. I've really been wanting to get back into my essays so I can keep my mind going and thinking of new things so I don't get too lazy brained during all of this global situational stuff.

I've looked on numerous sites. They mean well, but I'd rather write about something that can easily be made unique and amusing. When I look at some of these sites, the topics seem predictable, boring, and not fun to write about. Maybe I need to write a few shitty ones to get my brain to open up, but I'd rather have some unique or fun subjects to write about. It doesn't help that I'm feeling a bit adhd these days; I don't have a dynamic at the moment (sad face) so writing about "my Dom" isn't something I can conceptualize easily. I love writing about bdsm..but like the normal sites, the bdsm writing prompts are used, boring, and predictable.

I hope this writer's block will fade...especially since my ass is at home all the time and I have plenty of time to string some words together!

Does anyone have any websites, lists, apps for writing, subjects, ideas, topics, they can recommend? Google algorithm be damned.

Love how much this site has flourished over the last year! :) 

~meli~

~shiro~

I have been thinking. 

The hard knowledge is this. Doms (in my experience) will do anything to get the dynamic they want, even if it means discarding it.

Cases in point: Pretty much every Dom I have met here and talked to for a modicum of time has revealed themselves to be different once a conflict arose. Don't be fooled by Dungeons and Dragons level cunning. They may seem different. They may say this time is different. They may even act individually and unique. Don't fall for it. Doms either...Lying is so fucking easy! Demand more! Fuck all of that 'hiding' bullshit. If you can't show yourself to be who you are, I don't care about your anxiety, you don't need to be here. ;) 

Yes, I'm drinking. Fuck you, I'm hella funny. ;)

Ok, I know I'm a pervert. Shut up. Who asked you? Ok, whatever.

Wouldn't it be awesome to have a large group of subs running through the streets with Doms with massive, big, 'bull' like dicks chasing them down and 'goring' them as needed? If you don't drink or don't see the awesomeness in this well, pffftt. I piss in your cheerios! lol :P

~Meli

One of the greatest songs ever made. Paul and John were told to write whatever, seperately. Then they mashed them together, using a seque of symphonic sound so eerie it puts your goosebumps on chill. And at the end, 20 pianos playing one note and on sustain for as long as the note will play...turning the recording volume up to let the sustain of the piano be felt, heard, experienced. The Beatles were musical love incarnate. Enjoy.

Meli~

In a request in a blog I read earlier today, a sub asked to be shot if she posted poetry on the Cage. Since I've already been shot, and I'm sipping the Sangria, I figured I'd leave some prose. I know, just shoot me again.

There once was a sub who went back to school,

All the professors made her drool.

Wet dreams of consuming the professor's 'brain,'

Sapiosexuality drives her insane.

What will I do with this wetness? she thinks.

And goes back to sharing dirty jokes and drinks.

xD

~~Meli

 Hey guys, guess who?.

How is everyone? What's the gossips these days? lol

Just wanted to say I'm alive, and I'm doing well in school. Having a few margaritas and decided to come back to premium for a few months. 

How has everyone been? How are all you kink nerds, smartasses, and assholes?

And for those that don't know me; Hello!

Meli~Shiro

I know I haven't posted in like 37 years, but I still come to read blogs, keep up with people, and learn new things.

So I kinda researched and found that a degree in Geology gets you mostly a job in the oil industry. EWWW lol So I had to soul search and I changed my major to astrophysics. Midterms just came out and so far I have a 4.0 GPA....been feeling like a modern day Stephen Hawking. lol

I've been so busy with college that all of my creative writing energy is focused on things I need to do at school. With all of this isolation though, and without a D/s dynamic right now, I'm finding myself missing communication. I'm polyamorous so I mean it is kinda sorta something I like to do a lot of, lol. 

I know the future stability is worth it in the end but I'm always wondering if I'm going to miss out on something or someone, and though I love to communicate, I'm as socially awkward as one can be, lol. I feel like the protagonist Dwayne in Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut sometimes; like I'm the only one alive and everything else is machines, but I can make people laugh so I have some kind of pathetic but alluring charm, lol.

What do you guys do when you get too isolated? How do you get back in the swing of things?

*edit for accuracy

Gravity, is working against me

And gravity, wants to bring me down…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBex8zbDRs

This is the absolute first thing that comes to mind when I think of the word gravity. Since I am working on becoming a physicist, I might want to evolve that perspective a bit in time. I nervously laugh thinking about how many times hearing the word during lectures will trigger the looping melody in my head. I guess all things considered, there could be a million other songs I'd rather not have stuck in my head.

grav·i·ty

/ˈɡravədē/

noun

noun: gravity

1.
PHYSICS
the force that attracts a body toward the center of the earth, or toward any other physical body having mass.
synonyms:
attraction, attracting force, downward force, pull, weight, heaviness

"gravity attracts objects toward each other"
the degree of intensity of gravity, measured by acceleration.
2.
extreme or alarming importance; seriousness.
"crimes of the utmost gravity"
synonyms:
seriousness, importance, profundity, significance, momentousness, moment, weightiness, weight, consequence, magnitude; More
antonyms:
triviality
3.
seriousness or solemnity of manner.
"has the poet ever spoken with greater eloquence or gravity?"
synonyms:
solemnity, seriousness, sombreness, sobriety, soberness, severity; More
antonyms:
cheerfulness, levity
Lately I've been thinking about how busy I've been in my life and how I haven't been able to find the submission to my Daddy that I had before. It's been a little lonely lately.

I'm not saying that my Daddy isn't there for me. It's simply that as an individual I've recently put on a lot more 'hats'. I've added a full-time college schedule, another (and the last) child is starting pre-school this year, I have a group therapy class, and to top it all off I am a mother of three, and so a housewife, the goddess of my domain, and I've just moved into a new house and a new phase of my life.

In my life I've managed to convert some hopelessness and depression into hope. But I still feel incomplete. I miss the guidance, now more than ever. Secretly, I am hopeful but my dumb gut tells me my life is starting to spin out of control with pressure. It's a new feeling of messiness and fear, but I'm working hard to turn it into excitement and anticipation.

I wish I had the dynamic my Daddy and I once had, I could use it now more than ever. I don't know if he will see this and I hope and pray my words have been kind, frank and honest. I've told him exactly this and so it's not that I'm trying to rat him out or cry out for submission, but it sure does feel a little better to get it off of my chest.

I know it's never a good idea to be driven totally by emotions and so I am not quick to make any decisions and changes in our lives because I am in an ever changing state right now, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. But this loneliness and fear sure is feeling intense these days. I feel like I'm going spin out of control or be thrown into chaos.

I really need gravity right now, in so many ways. I need to feel the weight that brings me to kneel and grounds me to reality instead of emotion.

Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
It's wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

This isn't the first test I've been through and certainly won't be the last.

I certainly feel ungrateful, even though I am only being honest, and I am doing my best.

Anyone else ever went through a phase like this? How did you deal with it? Did your dominant find his/her center again to center you? I don't know if he ever will and I'm starting to lose hope. I hate how asking advice is like admitting you have a problem, but like Evita said, "better to win by admitting my sin, than to lose with a halo."

Turns out you can be intelligent and even study physics and you still have not one iota of control when it comes to emotions and subjectivity. I keep thinking if I am smart enough I will figure out a way to fix our dynamic, but all the intelligence in the world can't make another person want something.