Been thinking a lot about my former "twin" - a friend so close to me that we sometimes truly believed we were twins separated at birth. Even if that was far from true for multiple reasons.
I miss her a lot... Despite her having broken my heart. As close to a "break-up" as I've ever gotten and ever will be. Might as well treat it as such, especially since multiple people, myself included though I hate to admit it because it makes me feel like shit, believe our downfall was because of her possibly having feelings for me. Theres no actual admittance of that, just speculation. But the signs are there.
I want to reach out, try to at least get to talking again. I noticed a while ago that I was unblocked on FB and I constantly click on that "message" button and stare at my phone, thinking I want to reach out. Feeling like, if I at least try, I'll be one step closer to confidence. One step closer to being a better person.
I've forgiven her... but, I'm terrified.
Ive heard the things she said about me, even as recently as a year ago. She... obviously has not moved on. And that makes me even more terrified. As much as I want to try... I dont want to make it worse.
Not looking for advice, please dont comment with it... I know what all the right answers are, it's something I've been contemplating, praying on, thinking about, for years. I know what I need to do. I just... Am still trying to fight the anxiety that builds every time I decide it's time to try.
Just, needing to ramble. Write down what's on my mind so it's not festering and stewing inside.
