A message I'll never send to my ex - purely venting exercise -
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What i would send -
You're a piece of shit, i don't wish for your death but i also wouldn't prevent it, i really fucking hope you hate my guts like you made me hate you, i worshipped your existence, your cock, your soul, your birthday, your breath at night, did that mean fucking nothing you absolute piece of garbage? You left me for fucking dead, i almost drowned myself in that stupid fucking apartment i didn't even want, i was living on nothing but beans and rice for 5 weeks before giving up and calling my mom, i got abused by her and Jason when i tried to live with them and now I'm in a fucking homeless shelter because you wanted to be a piece of shit coward when Jacobi got arrested, we could of figured out bills, we could of tried to fix things, i still loved you at that time you fucking garbage can, but now? 5 weeks with not a single check in, nearly a year with no check in, you're just a fucking coward, i can't believe i worshipped you like a god, i really thought you could be mine, i really thought we could grow old together, i really thought i could have a future with you, i really thought i could trust you, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SING ME TO SLEEP AND LEAVE ME CRYING ON THE FLOOR BY MYSELF - HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HOLD ME WHEN I WAS CRYING JUST TO VANISH WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST - I DON'T CARE THAT WE BROKE UP, I CARE THAT YOU WERE A PIECE OF SHIT TO SOMEONE WHO USED TO BE YOUR PET - i was supposed to be your world, cause you were mine you fuck ass - even when i was mad, i still wanted to be nice to you, even when you left me for dead, i still blamed myself, even when i loved you i still hated myself for trusting you.
These days you're dead to me and it can't ever change because my brain switched over. I hate you for making me hate you, i didn't want to hate you, i wanted a life with you you fucking idiot
I don't know why I'm even writing this, I'm worthless to you and apparently have been for longer than i realized at the time, but even i still remember April 29 - i bet you don't even care what that day used to be, i still remember December 24th, i bet you don't care about it anymore, i still remember our dates, but you were probably just going through the motions weren't you?
Did you ever fucking love me? Was it all a lie? Did you just get bored of me or lose interest in the sex?
My only regret is loving someone i thought was genuine
But you never fucking were, were you?
I'm glad you haven't contacted me, it gave me time to realize what a piece of shit you are
You aren't a Master, a sadist or a prince, you're a goddamn coward who ran the second life got hard
News flash dumbass, life was never easy
But I'm sure you'll run all your life
That's a lonely pathetic existence and i don't pity you
Frankly, you get what you deserve
Also - even setting aside the relationship, d/s and living together for years
WHO THE FUCK LEAVES ANOTHER PERSON HOMELESS ON PURPOSE
YOU'RE A FUCKING MONSTER
Are you entirely fucking devoid of empathy and a goddamn conscious?
I can't believe I ever fucking loved you, what a fucking waste of the years I wasted on you
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