I fell asleep next to a train.
At least that's what it seemed like. My husband lay there next to me snoring louder than I thought possible, but I couldn't be mad. I couldn't even be irritated.
There was a time when the man who slept next to me was silent. However I never slept. Not after he pulled me out of bed by my hair and pinned me against the wall by my neck. As I blacked out, all I could hear was him asking who was texting me in the middle of the night. I couldn't tell him it was my cousin. I couldn't tell him to stop.
He dropped me just before I lost consciousness and he went back to sleep. I sat on the floor crying until the sun came up. This wasn't the first or last time he hurt me. It certainly wasn't the worst.
I couldn't sleep with him after that, but I couldn't sleep alone. Sleep meant vulnerability, so I learned to function on practically no sleep for years.
Then one day, I found safety and comfort in the man I eventually married. I didn't even know him. We had just met and were hanging out with friends, but something about him brought me peace. I fell asleep in his arms on a couch and stayed that way all night. I didn't know at the time that he was my Dom. I didn't know at the time that he was my Protector. Hell, I didn't even know I needed one. All I knew was he was different.
Last night I slept next to a train, and it was the most peaceful sleep I've ever gotten.
