Plain Jane

Have you ever thought the walls you built around you were high enough and thick enough to protect you. Well I have discovered no matter how tall they are how thick they are that people want in. Not because they like you but because they think you have something they want. 

now I would like to say that it’s your friendship or love. But it’s not. They want your HAPPINESSES!!!!! They want your happiness, not to be happy but your unhappiness makes them happy.

They don’t even want your things your material things. But they take them anyway because those things may have made you happy. Which is wrong because things shouldn’t make us happy but they do. We are all human and we do get attached to material things. 

now when I think about my treasures it’s not the actual thing it’s the memories that go along with the item. if you think about this I don’t think it’s the actual thing. It’s like this I have a TV but when you see it you see just a TV. I see my first TV ever and my kids giving it to me right after I had COVID. Lol I don’t watch the darn thing but maybe once a month but I see the love and the thought in that box and someone else sees a TV and cash at a pon shop. 

anyway back on track here I feel like dory “ohhhh shiny” 

walls are meant to keep people and things out. But do they really? I so wish they did. But life brings them in. Do you think one could live in a big city and go unnoticed? Or does one need to live in a cabin in the middle of the woods to get peace. Maybe the real question is…. Is there really peace at all? Or does peace come from within? Ok I know we make our own lives and I know how we handle things also affects how we feel. And I know that our character in how we do things also has a lot to do with our peace within us. 

so I need someone’s help here I need to learn how to lie just once plz. Just the thought of telling this lie has had me up all night. My stomach is in knots and well yes I’ve been sick all night. I can’t lie and this issue is huge and I have to or I will be swallowed up and spit out. Yes it really does mean if I have a home and food. But I just don’t want to my stomach hurts so bad it’s not funny. So please how does one LIE!!!!!!!!

So I was asked to write this blog. 

They said they were told that people confuse love with loyalty and friendship. 

so here is my response to that.

Well love is all of those things. At least to me. They make up the word trust. You see it’s trust that whatever I try and fix on the outside world I will screw it up. It’s knowledge of me to know that I will screw it up. It’s also trust that I will try and fix what I screwed up and screw it up even more than I did already. It’s also trust and faith in me, letting me screw it up. And trust that I will eventually figure it out. 

now for me it’s believing in you to know that you will only let me fall so far. Know that you stand at my door with me. Also knowing that you know that even if I did the wrong thing I did with the best intentions and a pure heart. And your trust in me, and knowing these things is very important 

now I don’t know about anyone else. But loyalty, trust and friendship are love. There different kinds of love also. I love my kids with all my heart. I love my friends. But I believe that there is another kind of love though also. It’s not just loyalty or friendship or trust it’s love with all three of these things and more. Add attraction add lust and a bit of adventure well that would be my drum. You see, it’s opening new doors for each other. Love is not the same for everyone. Love has its own drum it’s own rhythm it’s own beat for every person. Every drum is different and with each drum you get your own sound.

This may not be everyone’s opinion but it’s mine it’s the sound and rhythm of my heart that I’m looking for. 

Wanda style 😊

So as some of you know if been working two jobs about 90 hours a week. I started doing this over a year ago. I just kept busy that’s how I was dealing with everything just keep going and it will get better. 

well the few people that know me on here and not on here. kept telling me that this wasn’t the way to deal with it but being me I didn’t listen. So last November I got COVID-19. But being me I have to do things really big I added pneumonia to it. I am terrified of doctors so I fought going in. But my roommate got me to go get tested and yup I had it. They gave me meds and I of course said they were wrong ha joke on me I kept getting worse and not getting better. My roommate told me I needed to go to the hospital but I didn’t listen. Then on that frightful morning I called her yes her room is next to mine but I still called her. It was time to go to the hospital. She came in and put my shoes on for me. And managed to get me to the car. She pulled up to the first hospital,  and tried to get me out of the car. I wouldn’t get out it was the hospital I have been fighting because of billing issues on another issue. Like any good red blooded woman I put my feet on the door jam and refused to get out. So she drove me to another one. And when she got me there….. well I coded at the door. She had to call my kids and tell them the hospital needed to know if I had a DNR. They didn’t know but since I hadn’t told them it was their choice and do what it took to keep me alive. This all sounds bad right keep reading it’s good I promise. I made it through it. I don’t remember anything except a pink chair and green jello.

But the things after the hospital I do remember. I remember the people being there for me. I remember coworkers bringing me food at my hotel because I couldn’t go home for another week due to the kids at home. I remember them bring colored pencils and adult coloring books. Because they know I don’t like to sit still, or watch TV.  I got my first TV my kids said it was time I learn to sit down. Ok I did watch TV once in a while but mostly I thought about something else.

I thought about how blessed I have been my entire life. Yes I have had really bad things that have happened. I have lived a life of hell really. But without really thinking about the bad I just kept going. Yes I’ve done a few bad things but most quiet girls do pull shenanigans. Most times it’s innocent stuff. Like planting flowers in the yard of their ex husband’s or maybe sending flowers to a coworker with the card saying thank you for a good time last night singed by Ramon. Or putting really smelly stuff taped under their desks. See not so bad. But anyway. When I look at all the bad stuff it was off set by something good. Sometimes not but my motto in life just keep going has served me well. I don’t give up easy and I don’t like being told NO. That is such an awful word, I think anyway. I mean just say later or maybe. Just don’t please say NO. Ugggh. I may have issues finding a DOM that doesn’t say no. But I have time. 

anyway back on track here. Life has been kicking me down again.  but once again it’s slowing my life down. So today I was thinking maybe this is life’s way of saying I need to slow down. Yes it’s a bunch of horse poop. And I don’t like it.  But maybe if I just slow down, ok  maybe I’m supposed to slow down. Ok I don’t really know how to slow down my feet have been in motion since the day I was born. I wake up, jump up out of bed. yup I am one of those annoying perky people that just go. My roommate has told me I’m to perky and bubbly of a morning person I ask her if I change later in the day and she just responded with no. And drinks more coffee. 🤮 yuck 🤢. What I’m getting at here is life hits us like a wrecking ball. It’s just not me and the best way I know how to deal with it is by just keep going. But I am learning that there is more to my life than work. I want to well…. Oh to heck with it I want to have sex naked for once.  I can’t do that if I keep it up. There’s more that I want to do but that’s mine. And someday I have faith it will happen. 

also I was thinking about well how all these people that I didn’t really know I’ve learned to love. I’ve made a few great friends on this site and have gone out and had a great time with. I meet my roommate and she’s taught me to stand up for myself more. And yes I’ve taught her, how quiet girls do things.

I don’t really talk to people it’s so bad that after a year at my job my boss asked me if I worked there I told him yes and he didn’t believe me he followed me to my desk. Then asked the coworker next to me if that was really my desk. She didn’t know what to say but thank god she said yes otherwise I’d have gone to the brig. I don’t think I’d do well in the brig. Not at all. he then called my supervisor and said he wanted a list of workers with names and number our desks and put our names by our numbered desk. I’m like most subs I’m learning we are either quiet or we will talk your ear off. Especially if we are nervous. 😂😂😂😊

Now back on track again. If the bad things wouldn’t have happened I wouldn’t have meet the most amazing people that I have. If the bad things wouldn’t have happened I wouldn’t have thrown friends over fences or climbed those fences. I wouldn’t have the memories that I have. And just like with COVID I really don’t remember the bad things. 

so in the words of this quiet girl when life hands you lemons just accidentally wipe the juice from your hands in someone’s eyes. Let’s face it that would be funny as heck. Omg I might have to try that one. 

well that’s my ranting rave for the night. Could use tips on how to sit still. Feel free to offer advice. 

When history repeats itself what does one do. I like to learn from it before it happens again but we are all human. I like to think I won’t let it happen again.

It was once said if it is burned and broken we rebuild from it but if it’s lost it’s as if it never happened. 

I didn’t understand how true that was till just recently. You see I can be physically abused and take my mind somewhere else as it never happened but do I learn from it is the problem. Does anyone learn from history mentally or emotionally if they close their eyes and keep them closed till it passes.
I know it’s our minds way of protecting us. And protection is a great thing.

But does it help us. Does it mean we are weak. I’d like to think I’m a strong person that I can handle anything that comes my way. but after you open your eyes then what. Are you just suppose to continue to walk around like like it didn’t happen? Or stick your head in the sand like an ostrich? I’m not sure about a lot of things in life I’m not the smartest stick in the woodshed. But I think it’s time maybe for me to stop saying to myself to let it go. I think enough is enough. I think it’s time to do things “WANDA STYLE” 

im sure this will come to bite me in the ass but I think it’s worth a try. 😂😱🤬😃😊😒

So from my last blog about trust. It made me start thinking about how to be a trustworthy person and what it takes. 

well it takes strength in the person. But not just muscles. It takes the character of a person. And the amount of self respect one has for themselves. 

it isn’t easy to do something wrong and admit it. You may cry as you admit your mistakes your knees may be knocking so hard they sound like childhood clappers. You maybe blubber it out and make no sense. But I can tell you you will feel better and if you did what you did with good intentions most people will forgive you. But at the end of the day you will be able to look yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth. You will be able to sleep without guilty gut keeping you up all night. And in the end if someone asks you something they will believe you. Even if that story is completely outrageous.

Trust me with the things that have happen to me to no one would believe.

So I bet you are wondering what this has to do with UFO’s? 

well I saw one yes a real UFO. Walking my dog like I do every morning. I saw a very strange light in the sky that I’ve never seen before. So like any good red blooded woman. I PuLLED OUT MY PHONE. I took the picture of the tiny light but by accident I enlarged the picture and what to my wondering eyes should I see. But that light moving in a weird circle up and down motion.

So believe me or not but I really did see a UFO. I’ve waited my whole life to see one and have believed it would happen and I even have proof that it did. 

I have written about this subject before but I promise this is different. 

how many different types of trust are there? I have been thinking about this, this evening. There is physical trust. Emotional trust and mental trust. There is one more type of trust. It the basic trust. Just easy going honest to goodness pure basic trust. 

what time is it? How old are you? These are very easy questions. Are you married? Again simple. For some of us if someone is married it’s not a big deal but just be honest and find the one that doesn’t care if your married. We are all on this site not to judge or my kink is better than your kink. Heck some of us just like the blogs. The wonderful stories from the beautiful minds that share this space. There is no need to lie about what a clock says or your age. If you don’t fit with one person you will with someone else. “ unless your like me and a misfit toy” 🤣

now if you ask a question and you get your answer you can’t get mad at that person because they didn’t give you the answer you wanted. They gave you the truth and they didn’t break your trust. Yes they may have hurt you because they were honest. But I haven’t meet anyone on this site yet that has just gone out of their way to be mean.

trust is basic and easy, trust in yourself. Trust you get honesty and don’t get upset with them for being honest. When you are told the truth. 

Trust it is how they really feel and that it may not be what you wanted to hear but have enough respect for them that they told you the truth. 

trust is not hard it’s simple actually. If you don’t understand your feelings just say that. If you don’t understand the question just ask for clarification. If you don’t want to answer then just say I would prefer not to answer. But for goodness sake just be a trustworthy person and be honest.  It’s so much easier on your life and you save a lot of drama. 

well that’s all I have to say. 

hope you all have a wonderful night and to all the peeps on here in the storm. I pray your safety through to the morning light. ♥️♥️♥️

So I mailed out the box. Yes it had stickers and glitter. I even handmade little clouds,  it was painted and each piece was picked out with great thought. Tea and coffee mugs, special order tea was purchased and tied in twine to give it that special touch. Face masks and lotion that weren’t to feminine. Lemon cookies and a few snacks with a word search to keep him busy. Yes I spent close to three days decorating the box and two days tying twine and matching tissue paper. 

box received last Tuesday hello Usps. tracking not stalking. Even my most horrible and rude customers after we get through it all to the end and gift package  is mailed I get a thank you it was amazing. I deal with some very high end clients I even have a small realtor that gives one to each new house they sel. These are all individually made for each person or couple that receive them. And even if we yell at each other through the process I get a thank you. 

i am officially crazy and what did I expect. What would make me think that someone that could not respond have enough manners to say thank you. I am also trying to take responsibility because I shouldn’t do things expecting a thank you. I never really thought that I did but I guess I did. I guess to me thank you is having manners. But I don’t have manners expecting a thank you. That is not what goes through my head when I start a box. I just think what I can do to make them happy or bring a little happiness to the persons day. 

i am crazy and I needed the wake up call. And I will not ever except a thank you for a box again. Honestly it just always meant that I had made someone smile and it was appreciated. 

my boxes and gift baskets will go out with a smile of I have done my best. And I will be proud of myself and that will be enough. What a wake up call. 

Soooo I make these amazing boxes. Some are just because boxes some are get well soon some are you are missed. Each one is different no two are alike. I started making them when my daughter…… um she went away for a while for long periods of time, and no not…. To prison although I have said she needs to be locked up. 😁

anyway sorry getting off track. Am I crazy…..??? Loaded question here but I am asking. 

so someone hurt me they made me cry myself to sleep for over 9 days I didn’t know if they were alive or dead. I texted I called no response from them. Then I had to pull out my mean girl panties and send a not so nice text. Yes sorry I played his ego. I know I know I’m a bad.  Uggggh yes here it is that thing that I can read people. I knew if I sent it and they were alive they would answer. I was not wrong at all, in less than three minutes I had a response. I really do not like this gift or curse I have, but it works. 

ugggh off track again sorrrrrrry. Anyway I had known about their surgery and waited yes waited not knowing for sure. though in my gut I knew. I really did know I just needed confirmation really. And they ignored me. I was hurt not going to lie about that at all. But I had started making him a care package these take at least a week or two to make like I said they are really amazing. But now I look at it and question should I send it. I mean I took my time to make it. It is personal for just for their personality I can’t send or give it to anyone else. It would be ridiculous.  

answered my own question I’m crazy and a dumba$$. I’m sending it if they don’t want it because of their ego then that’s up to them to be mean not me. I’m not going to stop loving someone that stopped loving themself a long time ago. I maybe not so smart at grammar or spelling or computers but I am not a JERK!!! I took my time and they can sit on it. Thanks guys ♥️♥️♥️♥️

PS yes it’s for a man and there is facial masks and good hygiene stuff. Hygiene is nothing to be ashamed of. My coworkers have not stopped laughing but really most men just don’t like getting caught but inside they really enjoy the pampering. And if you ladies are asking what question I think your asking in your heads. The answer is YES. 😁☺️🤷‍♀️

Sooooo is it just me or does anyone else like talking to telemarketers? 

I mean I just got called and this nice lady wanted to help me get disability. I asked her what my disability was she said she had to ask me a few questions first. So I answered her questions. then asked her again what my disability was going to be?
I asked if I could have one that would kill me in 54 years. Or maybe I needed a dresser someone to come dress me in the morning and then at night for bed. Because I had a disability of design, my fashion wheel was off maybe? She asked me what I did for a living and when I told her I worked two full time jobs and three part time jobs she said she couldn’t help me. I asked if we could lie like half the rest of the people do, she had no answer for me. She had no response. I then said I knew what my disability was. She got excited like WTH people she was so into me telling her my disability. I told her it was, answering  my phone. I was to curious to not answer and then got stuck with people. I don’t understand why she hung up on me though what the heck. 🤷‍♀️☺️☺️☺️♥️ I love my imagination♥️♥️

He smiled whispering in her ear honey you will never  stand the storm. She smiled and signed “I am the storm”.