Plain Jane

So each day I open this site believing that one day I will get a message. One day I will find my unconditional Dom. I also come on here to read the wonderful blogs everyone shares. From daily trials and tributes to stories and poems.learning new and exciting music. Silly Memes and sexy gifs. 

tonight I was reading and trying to fix and rewrite my profile. And well I got to thinking. BELIEVING is important to adults as well as children. Hope is important faith is a must. But what do they mean.
Well my oldest daughter she is the oldest of all 5 of my kids. Anyway she was 5 and in first grade she lost her first tooth. She was told that the tooth fairy wasn’t real by a mean little boy. I’m she cried all day because she wanted a tooth fairy she needed a tooth fairy. So as a mom it was my job to make that happen. So I told her we were going to set up a trap for the tooth fairy and she would know if indeed she was real. She smiled that beautiful one missing tooth smile and said she was all in and that I could have half her tooth fairy money if she was real. The beautiful gestures of a child. I thought all day and evening even while making dinner how to set a trap. And yes I made that happen by making biscuits for dinner. The flour was on the counter and my youngest loved putting his hands in the flour making hand prints. Hello ding ding ding shiny yes I had a plan. I put everyone to bed and my oldest looked at me with tears no plan mommy. I smiled and handed her the bottle of baby powder she looked at me and I smiled and told her that we would use the powder to find tiny foot prints on her headboard and on the ledge of the window. She laughed and giggled I was the smartest mommy in the world. So we dusted the window ledge and her headboard. Before going to bed I took one of her barbies and I made that Barbie walk from the window jump to my oldest headboard and then walk along it to her bed then put a silver dollar under her pillow. Then I took that Barbie and made feet prints back to the edge of the widow where it just stopped and disappeared. The next morning I woke to the loudest screaming in my life I thought someone broke in and was killing her. My ex and I ran to her room where we found her looking at the tiny little feet prints. Mommy mommy the tooth fairy is real. My ex smiled and left me to my most important job tending to my daughter. I went and saw the twinkle of her eye the smile on her face and to tell you the look in her eyes was amazing is a huge understatement. So where I’m getting at with this is you see is she wasn’t a happy little girl when she thought the tooth fair wasn’t real but she was the most happiest little girl you could imagine when she thought the tooth fairy was real. 
maybe believing in something is the key to happiness. Maybe having hope in what you believe in is the turning of the key and keeping our faith in ourselves that we never stop believing and hoping. Just a simple babbling of a simple minded person. 

PS she used our polaroid camera and took a picture of those tiny feet print she showed the mean little boy the tiny feet prints of the tooth fairy. He gasped and became a believer. 

So today I was out making deliveries in the cold 32 degree weather and it made me have a wonderful memory. 

when my children were little on Halloween I would have them all help me decorate the house for Halloween like I would have it Any other way really. But ex was very strict and the decorations  went up on the day of and had to come down the next day.

So as all of you know begin pregnant is not easy with four other little humans.
We spent all day decorating “I got things done while they took naps” but that meant I didn’t get a nap. When they woke up I had them watch the Charlie Brown Halloween. 

the thought of taking them out trick or treating made me want to collapse I was seven months pregnant and my feet hurt I didn’t get a nap I had moved the washer and dryer earlier while they napped for the repair man. And to tell you I had enough, well that would be an understatement . I sat down and watched with the kids.

my imagination took over me. I collected the kids packed them in the car and off to the store we went. I bought like ten to twenty pumpkins I had the kids help me load them in the wheelbarrow and I pushed it to the back yard. Which again didn’t help my back any for the day. 

there I Assembled the pumpkins around the family tent I had put up then blew up the air mattress and put all their sleeping bags inside. I put mine in there too. 

of course they asked what we were doing. And I simply told them building a pumpkin patch and that this year instead of going trick or treating we were going to wait for the great pumpkin. 

well as you all know sitting still usually will make a child fall a sleep mine were no different.

When my ex got home he asked where the kids were and when we were going out. Because he worked all day he was hungry and as he did every year he would sit by the front door hand out candy and drink beer to his part. I smile and told him pizza in the oven beer in the frig.  and that I had to go to the store.

Once again where are the kids I smile and pointed to the two oldest sitting still awake but the two youngest fast asleep. He asked what we were doing I told him we were waiting for the great pumpkin and see if Linus was right about the great pumpkin and if she  brought toys and candy for all of the good boys and girls. 

I told him not to worry his beer was cold and that was all that matter. I had two hours and had to hurry I wanted to rest I can’t tell you how tired I was.  

off to the store I went I got four small medium pumpkins got each a toy and candy. I gutted each pumpkin and stuffed each one with a toy and candy.

Then when the last two fell asleep at 7pm I put out each pumpkin among our pumpkin patch. Then sprinkled candy all around the pumpkins. By 7:15 I was in bed in the tent with them fast asleep.I left my ex husband at the front door to hand out candy and drink beer by himself. He was ok the neighbors all told him how amazing he did the the decorations for the house. 🙄.

 I felt so guilty that night for not taking them trick or treating. bit I was soooo tired. I laid down amd I was out like a light.

But the next day when they found their stuffed pumpkins  they were soooo happy. They have all remembered that Halloween and my son asked me today if I could have the great pumpkin come to his house tonight his wife was tired and he had to work. 🤣. So yup I made another pumpkin basket. 

just so you all know one day I’d like to have sex in a pumpkin patch. 😂

So you know when you say asking fir a friend? 

ok people it really is asking for a friend!!!! Omg I love you all sooooo much. 

after my last blog I have been getting a lot of messages on my profile asking how I am doing or just even had a few send ♥️‘S. I really really promise with all of my heart I was asking for a friend. 

she is quiet and shy and she was hurt badly. Yes I wish I knew what to say to her but I didn’t so I said let me write a blog and then she could read the comments. Which by the way thank you to those that commented. 

I have fallen in love with two men on this site one is resting in peace. The other is fighting for his life. I will love them both forever one was loved as an amazing friend I couldn’t ask for a better friend. 

the other was and still is a one way love and a one way friendship. But it’s ok once I love I don’t know how to stop loving or caring. 

I have also learned I am not meant to be loved. I have just enough love to get me through this lifetime. I have my kids that love me I have a grandchild that loves me. I have learned that needs to be enough. And I AM OK WITH IT. That saying love what you have not what you don’t have well I have learned it. Accepted it. And yes I have ups and downs just like everyone else. Yes I get adventurous and think I want more. Then I remember it’s ok to just be who I am and that what I have is enough. 

and no I am not a brat just sassy. Just someone who likes to get things done. I don’t like lose ends or things unfinished. Just do it and do it right the first time. 

ugggh thank you for letting me vent everyone. 

So I’ve been on here for a while now. I have watch people get together and break apart. It’s a process alright. 

so what I’m wondering is if I have it right or not. Do we just enjoy the good while it last then just leave. Like is this lifestyle like decorating our bedrooms? We keep it till it stops being a joy them just move on. 

because I’m not built that way. If I love someone I don’t know how to stop. I mean I still love my ex husband. And let’s face it he was physically mentally and emotionally abusive. I was so Brainwashed. I’ve been told I’m lucky I got out alive. Hell even my kids have said that. But I still love him. I don’t wish him any harm. Once you love someone how do you stop loving them? Ok my real question is did you really love them in the first place?

asking for a friend😬

I’m special. In all the world there is no one like me. Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me. No one has my smile. No one has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice. I’m special. 

in all of time there is has never been anyone who laughs like me or cries like me. And what makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anyone else, ever….

I’m the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities. Oh, there will always be someone who is better at one of the things I’m good at, but no one in the universe can reach my quality of my combination of talents, ideas, abilities, and feelings.

Through all of enernity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me. I’m special! I’m rare!

And, as in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great rare value, I need not attempt to imitate others. I will accept — yes, celebrate my difference. 

im special, and I’m beginning to realize it’s no accident that I’m special. I’m beginning to see that God made me special for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the billions of applicants, only one is qualified only one has the right combination of what it takes. 

that one is I. Because I’m special!

The things we teach.
As my daughters grew up we would as watch the secret garden. It's a little girl classic at least to my family.

My daughters of course being curious little girls would ask me every time they watched it if it was true and all little girls were princess's. As any mothers would answer, mine was no different, I would say yes.

As they got older and wiser they said how did I know? So I would asked them what makes a princess? They said many things like kind smart beautiful etc. then I asked who were princess's. They didn't know how to answer. So I asked if kings daughters were princess. They agreed I was correct. So I said well there you go. I told them they were the child of a king.

They laughed and said no daddy's not a king. I smiled and then told they were wrong and asked if god was not a king. My oldest smiled and said yes he is. My answer was see you two, me and all little girls are the child of a king. So all little girls were indeed a princess.

There has never been a time my daughters have ever forgotten that. And well one learned it a little to well.

As a young adult she choose to join the military. While she was in basic her drill Sargent one day screamed in her face asking what was she thinking and was she a princess private @@@@@@? Without thinking she just smiled and said yes. As you can imagine that did not go well in basic. He screamed some more and yelled really explain. At that point she couldn't believe she had said yes. She was like mom it just came out. It came out faster than my brain could say shut up. And at that point I was already in for and I had nothing to lose, so I told him " I was a princess and all little girls were princess's because they were the child of a king. 😂😂 at this point I'm like omg and your still alive. She smiled and said that he smoked the living crap out of her that day. But the next morning he brought her a cup of coffee handed it to her and told her, that in his entire 17 years in the military service that her answer was the best answer he had ever gotten. And that he would be teaching his daughter that. She took the coffee and drank it even though she doesn't drink coffee.

She told me thank you and, that cup of coffee was the worst best cup of coffee she’d ever drank and that it was for both of us.

I may not be the smartest adult or prettiest I may not fit in any place in this world. I might be a misfit, but I have done a few things right in this world.

So yes all little girls are princesses no matter how old they are. 

I once heard just make your bed. I thought ugggh really I’ll just mess it up again. I even got lazy and just have a comforter on my bed. 

so really why make your bed? Then I found out what the meaning means. Or this persons version of what it means. 

it means you respect yourself. It means that you think your special enough to make yourself a bed that when you pull the covers down at night you can say this was made for me. 

it means than during the day when everything is going completely down the tubes and you don’t think you can get any lower. You can stop and say I did accomplish one thing today I made my bed. 

today was one of those days. Nothing went right. I was called into the red room. 😂🤣😆. Yes it’s really called that and yes it’s the disciplinary office. My mind has gone soooo many ways on the name of this room also. And the first time I was called to it I freaked out. 😂😆🤣. 

anyway my boss just looked at me and told me I had done 1 wrong 2 wrong and 3 wrong for the day. She asked me if I had done anything right today? I looked at her and I smiled and said yes, yes I did today I made my bed. I accomplished making my bed and I had even made it the right way fir myself. She just looked at me, and said I’m not sure if your serious or being sarcastic? I told her I was very serious and that I make my bed everyday so if that question is ever asked of me or I question myself I can answer yes I did I made my bed. Just the way I like it. And it was perfect just for me. 

then started laughing. She looked at me smiled and told me to go. I looked at the paper and started to ask. She told me not to ask just go. She said that it was my write up. But after my answer she couldn’t she pointed at the door and ripped up the write up. We both smiled and I went back to my desk. 

as I left she said she expected me to make my bed tomorrow morning and she would be asking. I smiled and told her to have a great evening. 

so in words of WANDARAE make your bed!!!!! 😁🥰. 

Have you ever wondered if you matter? Who would miss you if you just stopped. I’m not talking about suicide. Just in general in life.

Who would care if you stopped talking to them?  Who would care if you just disappeared? What if you hung out with other people? What if you didn’t respond to a text? Would someone actually care? 

in this life all we have is our uniqueness. Is that enough to catch someone’s eye? With a second half or just a friend?

Family we all probably said family. What if you don’t have family.

is it possible to not be important to anyone in this world at all? Does our lives even matter as long as we pay our taxes?

Have you ever questioned the value of your life? I’m not talking about money here. I’m talking about the value of your personality your presence? 

when you wake up on a Saturday morning, do you have someone you can call to go to the movies or hiking or lunch or just a darn cup of hot chocolate. 

life is sad and it’s lonely. Then you have to ask yourself if all of this crap is worth it. Besides money what can someone offer. You can say kindness but that last how long I can be nice and show kindness to people everyday but does that person even care?

Friendship, but can you be a friend to someone who doesn’t return the friendship? And most importantly should you keep doing it? 

with this world filled with so many people does one persons uniqueness even matter? 

do you think someone can die of loneliness? Is that real or just a saying or figure of speech?

Is it possible to be the only you on this planet and not fit in anywhere? 

So is it my imagination which could well be. But do you read a text message and you read it and the mood that your in is how you take the message. or you can read the emotion in a text. 

I could be weird but I do these things. I seem to feel the emotion behind the text message. 

Now some are funny and you can’t help but laugh. Or sometimes they make you cry. 

But really I am beginning to think text messaging is a bad thing. because people k me the over thinker here. I read so much more into the text then there is. 

also we send text messages so much everyday that at the end of the day what do couples do when they get home? Because they’ve already told each other everything through out the day. And then when they get home they sit and play games or Facebook all night never talking to each other. Or repeating the same story over Amd over for the night. Never sharing the adventure in which it should be shared. In person with your emotions running through your body as you tell what happened.  It’s not just with our partners it’s our kids also.

I have decided to try and limit my texting to a minimum. I am going to stop and give the person that i am texting my full attention by talking on the phone.

I am going to use phone etiquette. I’m going to have pen paper ready when I make a call. I’m not going to be making Mac and cheese when I make that call. I’m going to give that person 120% of my attention. 

ok I answer phones all day long. I answer phones so much that I really don’t want to talk. But I am going to do this.

I have had people call me while they are driving which I’m sure they are all using hands free. 🤔 when they make that call though they have to read me the number off their cards while they are DRIVING!!!! Because that’s so safe. But mostly I do not want to hear them in a car crash. But I have decided if I do rule #6 I will not get involved. Oops the call dropped I’m outta there.  I have answered calls while people are having sex…… I have answered phones while they are in the shower and on the toilet. Yes I have heard the grunting to get it out and the flush. While they are doing the dishes and cooking. While they yell at their kids or while their toddler is screaming at the top of their lungs in my ear. My ears are bad enough people they don’t need that. I have had to have someone repeat themselves because they are texting someone else while they are talking to me. I just now tell them sorry couldn’t hear you I just heard beeping. I have had some call me while they are in a drive through and then put me on hold while they make their order. Oh you would think I was done but I’m not, sorry. There is soooooooo much more. I have people book appointments while driving and then when you confirm they say oh your going to give me reminder call because I’m DRIVING!!!!! And I can’t write it down. Wth smh this has got to stop. I can’t change anyone else. But I can change me. So I am going to start by slowing my life down just a little and use phone etiquette. 

I know not a sexy gooey love story. Or a raw sex story. But maybe if I stop texting I will come up with one of those or actually have both come into my life. 

to Wanda 

Have you ever thought the walls you built around you were high enough and thick enough to protect you. Well I have discovered no matter how tall they are how thick they are that people want in. Not because they like you but because they think you have something they want. 

now I would like to say that it’s your friendship or love. But it’s not. They want your HAPPINESSES!!!!! They want your happiness, not to be happy but your unhappiness makes them happy.

They don’t even want your things your material things. But they take them anyway because those things may have made you happy. Which is wrong because things shouldn’t make us happy but they do. We are all human and we do get attached to material things. 

now when I think about my treasures it’s not the actual thing it’s the memories that go along with the item. if you think about this I don’t think it’s the actual thing. It’s like this I have a TV but when you see it you see just a TV. I see my first TV ever and my kids giving it to me right after I had COVID. Lol I don’t watch the darn thing but maybe once a month but I see the love and the thought in that box and someone else sees a TV and cash at a pon shop. 

anyway back on track here I feel like dory “ohhhh shiny” 

walls are meant to keep people and things out. But do they really? I so wish they did. But life brings them in. Do you think one could live in a big city and go unnoticed? Or does one need to live in a cabin in the middle of the woods to get peace. Maybe the real question is…. Is there really peace at all? Or does peace come from within? Ok I know we make our own lives and I know how we handle things also affects how we feel. And I know that our character in how we do things also has a lot to do with our peace within us. 

so I need someone’s help here I need to learn how to lie just once plz. Just the thought of telling this lie has had me up all night. My stomach is in knots and well yes I’ve been sick all night. I can’t lie and this issue is huge and I have to or I will be swallowed up and spit out. Yes it really does mean if I have a home and food. But I just don’t want to my stomach hurts so bad it’s not funny. So please how does one LIE!!!!!!!!