So I’ve had another revaluation. After having a few encounters with a few people on here it has come to my attention that I think I’m a prude. So my first encounter he gave me task and well I’m wild and unruly. I’ve never had to live by rules before so that was a disaster. I tried I really did. But well on top of rules I didn’t know myself and how I fit in this world. “Oh he had his faults but that is not what this blog is about”.
so back to topic. I didn’t know how I fit in this world. And I was so excited to be talking to a man. Yes it’s been years since I have even talked to a man about anything other than work. I went crazy texting I couldn’t believe someone would be interested in me. Like how could that be? I still ask that question of myself. But I was able to keep my walls partially up and in tack. I still have a lot of questions but I am googling for most of my answers. Then I meet a great man he was amazing but well I wasn’t attracted to him in that way. but he was the bestest friend ever. I will forever remember him. He played board games with me online. Then I had my third encounter and well this one got my walls down. And honestly that’s a good thing or its suppose to be right that’s what a Dom’s suppose to do. But what I am discovering is that once a dom gets through your walls, the challenge is over. And they are done with you. Now at first I thought this was just me because come on only my third encounter in this lifestyle. But I am hearing from a lot of other subs the same thing once they let down their walls the challenge is over, and the Dom moves on. Maybe I just don’t understand this lifestyle as well as I thought I did. Tonight I was talking to someone and in the first 10 minutes I caught him in a lie. This is not trust or respect at all.
so as I sit here tonight I ask myself what is it that attracts me to this lifestyle? What makes this lifestyle different than a vanilla one? Well I’m going to tell you the answer to both of those questions.
honesty, trust, and respect. See in a vanilla relationship there should be honesty but there isn’t nor is there trust they live like roommates that share a bed. They don’t have respect for each other because they are fighting for who’s on top. Now for a BDSM relationship there has to be trust because well a lot of the stuff is very dangerous. With that danger there has to be honesty with what’s going on so no one gets seriously hurt. And if you think anyone is going to let just some schmo do this kind of stuff to them without respecting that person you have to be nuts.
now a few subs that have been going through a rough time they have asked me what I did to get over the one that got in my walls. Answer is easy. I DIDN’T. But so that I don’t look like an idiot. Here’s what I do every morning I send a text message to myself saying good morning. Then I before I go out the door I send myself a text have a good day. Instead of texting him. I don’t fall in love I don’t let my walls down if you’ve read any of my blogs you know DTA “don’t trust anyone” live in my turtle shell. I broke all of these self rules. And I have to live with it. But I won’t make that mistake again. I do t blame him. Because there is blame he just isn’t interested and the challenge is over. On with the new out with the old. But for me it’s different once I love I always love. I’m an idiot and I even love my ex. And he mentally, emotionally and physically abused me for 26 years. Yes I love him I don’t want to live with him don’t want to have anything to do with him. But now for this Dom. I wish him enough of whatever he needs to make himself happy and all of the best. So here’s what I can tell my fellow subs just text yourself. It’s all I got and what works for me.
now please list on here what works for you subs and Doms that go through the same thing. Let’s help others to understand that their feelings are valid and they are not alone. Let’s give them ideas to make the situation better for them.
